Because I had you

Eight

As I calmed down, I went back inside the hospital going to Aubrey's room but Alyssa was still sitting on the bench outside the room. She looked at me as I sat next to her. "Anything?" I sniffled, hands in my pockets. Alyssa shakes her head. "After you left, he said he was sorry and went back into the room." I shook my head, looking down.

"Why didn't I get her a dog?" Alyssa looks at me. "Why didn't I hold her more? Why didn't I kiss her more?" I put my head in my hands with my elbows on my knees. "Shawn," she sighed putting her hand on my back, rubbing it in small circles. I shook my head. "I won't be able to do this Alyssa. My wife is in there, begging for help and I can't fucking do anything, they won't even let me in there," I started crying as Alyssa pulled me in for a hug but my head was against her chest as she rubbed my back.

"I can't even gather words to describe how I'll feel if I lose her," I cried to Alyssa and she was still rubbing my back, "shh," she said in a comforting way. Alyssa has always been like a second mother to me. When Aubrey and I got into a fight one time and Aubrey left for the night, she went to her brothers house and Alyssa came over and comforted me and talked to me saying Aubrey wasn't going to leave me and how Aubrey doesn't have the heart to do so because she loves me too much. Alyssa is so caring and I feel so bad for freaking out on her.

"We won't lose her, okay? Aubrey is so so strong, she'll come back to us," her voice was "shakey" indicating that she was emotional as well. "No, Alyssa, would if we really do lose her?" I sit up looking at her. "We won't, o-" "Alyssa, think of other outcomes, we don't know if she'll make it. The doctors don't even know!" Alyssa sighed, looking down, "I don't know, Shawn, I don't fucking know. But I don't want to fucking imagine that, okay? I don't want to imagine not being able to text her everyday or work with her everyday anymore. I don't want to have to imagine being broken because I won't have a best friend anymore." Alyssa raised her voice at me. "I'm sorry," I shook my head. She sat back in the bench, crossing her arms and I saw a tear fall down her face, "it's fine," she said in a broken whisper. "Hey," I made her look at me, "you're right. Aubrey will make it back to us because she is strong. She is so so fucking strong. You'll still have a best friend, okay? And I will still have my wife. Let's just keep praying that she comes back," I gave her a half smile and she nodded, sniffling.