Because I had you

Fourteen

Going about 85 on this random road as the music is blaring and tears are just pouring out of me as I grab the bottle drinking more. My foot puts more pressure on the pedal as I watch the speedometer increase. I run a hand through my hair, sniffling.

"Baby," I heard someone say but I was alone inside my car.

I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked in the rear view mirror but no one as there. "Baby," I heard again and I looked over to see y/n sitting in the front seat. "Sweetheart?!" I look from her to the road. She looked so beautiful. "Pull over. You can't go this fast, baby," she rested her hand on my shoulder and I didn't think I'd feel it but I felt her hand. It was cold and soft and light. I quickly slow down as I pull over on the side of the road. I turn in my seat as I try to grab her and pull her in for a hug but she doesn't let me.

"No," she says, with a slight smile. "I just need you to promise me that you'll call Alyssa and tell her to bring you home. I don't want you driving like this, anymore." I started balling, "I miss you so fucking much, baby," my voice cracked as I tried to wipe my tears away. "I know, I miss you too but you gotta realize that soon, the fog will clear up. It won't be like this forever okay?" "I love you," I sniffled shaking my head, "so fucking much, honey." She smiles nodding, "I know, I love you so much, too." She sniffled and as she said those words, I felt myself breaking again. "I need you to promise me something," she looks at me.

"Anything, sweetheart."

"I need you to promise me that you'll let go. You'll move on, you'll find someone who makes you happy, you'll have a family and won't let me get in the way. You deserve to be happy, Shawn. You're gonna make someone so happy just like the way you made me. I don't want me to keep you from finding happiness. I know it's going to be hard," a tear slipped from her eye and down her cheek, "but I need you to promise me that you'll try."

I shook my head, "Baby, th-"

"Shawn," she looked at me, "promise me. You need to let go of me, there's nothing you can do to bring me back. I love you so so much and I miss you more than anything but I promise that you're going to be okay, I promise that I'm going to be okay. You can't keep doing this to yourself, okay?"

I sniffled as I nodded and cried some more, "I'll try for you baby, I am so sorry this happened to you," I rested my head on the console. I felt her put her hands on my head, running her fingers through my hair and I sigh at the feeling. I've missed this feeling so much.

"Don't blame yourself because I know that you are, call Alyssa, tell her to bring you home, if she hits you, I'm sorry but you deserve it" she smiles as she chuckles. I smile at her, I've missed that smile. "There's that smile," she says. "I love you shawn, let go of me but don't ever forget me," I felt her put her lips on my forehead as another tear slips from my eye. I went to go put my arms around her but when I opened my eyes, she wasn't there. I smiled.
I picked up my phone as I called Alyssa.