Because I had you

Six

Two days have passed and still nothing. Her heart rate was normal, her bloodwork came back normal, no changes in breathing, no twitches, nothing. I wasn't giving up. I stayed sitting there, elbow on Aubrey's bed holding my head up as I stared at her, holding her hand with my free one.

The beeping from the monitor started to slow down. My heart dropped as I saw her heart rate go down. I ran out and yelled for Doctor Stevens and he came with two other nurses and we all ran through the door and I got out of their way as they went to examine her body in panic. They told me to leave the room and I hesitated but they told me I needed to. A nurse pushed me out of the room closing the door. And I walked back and forth in front of the door. "What the fuck do I do?" I started to cry. I called Alyssa from Aubrey's phone and I tried to explain what's happening but I was in shock.

"Fuck what if we lose her?" I spoke through the phone and Alyssa told me to calm down and she would get here as soon as possible. A few minutes later, Alyssa was running down the hall and I hugged her so tightly and once I let her go, she looked at the closed door. She took my hand in hers and told me that I should sit down. I sat down next to her as I was breathing heavily. "Why won't they fucking let me in there?" Alyssa sighed, "because they need to focus and they can't worry about you trying to get in the way, okay?"

An hour has passed and my leg was shaking violently. I stood up, and banged on the door, "What the fuck is going on!?" When no one answered, I tried opening the door but it was locked and I pulled my hair in frustration. A few minutes later, Doctor Stevens came out of the room and I looked at him with wide eyes, "is she okay? What's happening? What happened? Why did her heart rate go down!?" More tears spilled down my face.

Doctor Stevens looked at Alyssa and then at me and sighed. "It's not looking too well. Her heart rate is too low. We're doing everything we can—" "oh my god," I said sitting down, my heart breaking. "Is she going to be okay?" Alyssa asked as her eyes got watery. "My 'doctor response' would be, 'have hope' but if I'm being completely honest with you guys, we have no idea yet but it's not looking good at all." I shook my head, looking down.

"I don't think she's going to make it." Those 8 words made me break. "No," I shook my head crying. Alyssa started crying herself. The doctor grabbed a box of tissues and handed them to us and Alyssa took them. "Can I see her?" I asked, eyes red and nose stuffed once again. "I'm sorry, Shawn, but not yet." I laughed shaking my head standing up. "Okay." I walked down the hall, needing to breathe. I walked out of the doors of the hospital and I breathed in the fresh air, shakily.