Because I had you

Five

It was currently 3am as I'm laying in her room on the couch watching the tv at a low volume. I told myself I needed some sleep because the amount of times I thought Aubrey was talking to me was starting to become unbearable. But I didn't want to sleep because would if something happens and I'm just over here sleeping. I felt like I had no energy in my body.

My eyes were so heavy from crying all day and being so exhausted and my nose was stuffy and my throat was itching. I stood up and grabbed my water bottle that was still on the floor from when I threw it at the door and sat back on the couch, taking a sip from it. I just realized that I wasn't going to be able to text my mom if anything happened because my phone broke after chucking it at the wall after finding out what happened. Alyssa had left Aubrey's phone behind in case anything happened. She didn't tell me that she did but I'm glad she did.

I reached over Aubrey and grabbed the phone and the minute I pressed the home button, I regretted it because it was a picture of us when we were on our honeymoon. I remember that day so vividly.

                                               ~

"I can't believe we're in Hawaii right now!" Aubrey squealed as we got to our condo. I laughed and threw my bags to the side as I took her face in my hands and placing my lips on hers and she smiled into the kiss. "Me too, Mrs. Mendes," I smirked at her. She bit her lip excitedly, "That's the first time I've been called that!" I laughed at her, completely wrecked and in love with her. I'm so fucked for her. She took a look around the condo enjoying the view of the ocean as I took in the view of her. I could watch her forever. I sat on our bed and looked at her, with so much love in my eyes. She looked back at me, smiling. She ran over to me and jumped in my lap and smashed our lips together. My hands went behind her, up her shirt. Her arms were around my neck. I swear to god there wasn't a better place on earth. Her arms were still around my neck as she put her hands in my hair and kissed me so passionately. "I love you so much," I whispered against her lips. "I love you so much, too," she smiled at me. I flipped us over so I was on top of her on the bed and I was in between her legs as I continued kissing her. She was smiling into the kiss as was I.

                                            ~

I smiled as a tear fell down my cheek, shutting my eyes. I can't fucking cry anymore. I opened her phone and went into her photos and 90% of her pictures were of me or us and the other 10% was food and dogs.

I chuckled, shaking my head. She wanted a dog so bad and I told her we couldn't because I was allergic. I could've fucking taken medication everyday so she could have her damn dog. Why the fuck was I so stupid?

A few minutes passed and I locked her phone as I went over to her and grabbed her hand, sitting in the chair. "Please wake up, we can a get a dog, I'll take medication everyday. I don't like pills but I'll fucking do it for you. I don't know why I didn't do that before. I'm so sorry baby," I started crying again. "Please just don't fucking leave me. I can't lose you, honey."

The doctor came in the room and apologized but I said he was fine. "Why don't you head home and get some sleep?" I looked over at him. "No, I have to stay here with her, if something happens and I'm not—" "then I'll call you," he interrupted, "but I know our couches are not comfortable and you look so exhausted, Mr. Mendes. I will call an Uber for you because you're not in the right state of mind to drive but please, get some sleep." I looked at Aubrey, I don't know what to do.

She'd want you to get some sleep, shawn.
My inner voice told me.

I looked at the doctor, "fine," I gave in, "but please call me if anything happens, and I mean anything, a twitch, a difference in her breathing. Anything at all happens, you call me okay?" I said sternly and the doctor nodded, "of course, I'll let you say goodbye, I'll be waiting outside the door." I nodded as I looked back at Aubrey. "I love you so much and I promise I'm not leaving you, I will be back first thing in the morning, or if anything happens. Come back to me," I kissed her forehead, letting my lips linger there for a little while as tears strolled down my face. I grabbed my jacket as I squeezed her hand one last time and walked out seeing Doctor Stevens on the phone.

He hung up when he saw me, "your Uber is waiting for you out front, sir. I will call you the minute something happens." I nodded, "thank you," I walked out of the hospital and got into the Uber as he took me home. I didn't even make small talk with him, just stared out my window.

I walked in through the doors of Aubrey's and my home. I smelled her. I bit my lip in pain as I walked to our bedroom and looked at the hung up pictures on the wall. There was one that really stood out. We were laying at a park in the grass while Aubrey held the camera out smiling, showing her engagement ring as I was looking at her in awe. My heart broke. I would do anything to see that smile in person again. I put my arm on her side of the bed and closed my eyes. This was my first night alone since we've been married. We got married 1 year and a half ago. I didn't fall right asleep, I just laid there as I wished that she was in my arms again.

If I would have known that the last time I held her was going to be the last time, I would've never let her go. If I would have known that the last time I kissed her was going to be the last time, I would've never separated our lips. If I would have known that the last time I saw her smile was going to be the last time, I would've never taken my eyes away from her. More tears fell from my eyes as I thought more of her. I can't do this. I need her. I need Aubrey. I need my wife.