Hurt

Chapter 1 Interview

JAKE

" It's hard being hot and sexy all at the same time, being hot and sexy are full time jobs, I'm way too popular for this thing " I always tell people but isn't always what I tell myself in moments like this, moments when I have to look at myself in this same mirror, moments when I have to get into this same old, but still look very fancy black suit to go meet someone else who decides to play with my little feelings, play with the fact that I can't control how my life was set up for me and playing with the fact that I didn't know who my father was growing up, only knew his name from my birth certificate, Vandedues Miller, a name that I've manage to spell backwards, frontwards, and even when I'm sleeping, I clearly intend on finding him someday, to ask him why he had to put in the gasoline but didn't stay to watch the flame grows. my mother left me when I was only six years old, chooses alcohol over her own first born son from what I've been told, left me in the hands of this foster care program to move me from places to places like a slave till they either find me a true home or just put me on the streets, where I'll have to sell drugs maybe, steal clothes, and do whatever will get me by " you're ready Jake? Hendol ask as he always does before he take out me to meet a new adopter that wants to take me home and then kick me out again, I don't say anything back but I'm sure he already can see it in my face and my body language could tell him that I'm tired of moving from houses to houses like a little unwanted puppy that will never find his way no matter how hard he tries, no matter how determined that puppy is , that well always be a foster kid " that couple sounded like they were nice folks, so you may be lucky this time " he continues but I still ignores him, I've been hearing the same words in the same orders from him since I was ten years old and met him , I've been here since forever now and so far I've been to five different houses that I wasn't really even wanted in" can you fix it for me? I ask him and he walk closer and start to do his best to fix my bow tie, which I really can't stand considering the fact that I feel old whenever I wear it. Hendol is like a father to me, even though I don't think I know a whole lot about having a real father, I believe that Hendol will do his best to get me into a nice permanent home before I turn 18 years old " it's your birthday tomorrow so at least show a little smile " he tells me right after, why should I show a smile when my years are coming to so fast, I'll be 16 years old tomorrow which will means I'll have two years left till I'm kicked out of the foster care program, if not in a home that I'm wanted in " I said smile" he demands but I always tell myself two things before forced to smile by him on an interview and before going to an interview, number one is smiling won't make things better for me and number two I don't want to die pretending that I'm happy when really I'm not " how about I fake smile when we get there" is all I always say in response and exactly what I always do, he goes around it as always " well I don't care as long as it looks real." and then he just walks out and I follow, I'm kind of used to following him around like that now, I will still be doing it for a while or should I say for at least two more years and then I'll be forced to be on my own because I'm sure I won't be in a permanent home by then " hey Mel are how things?" " Things are going great Jakie how about you?" " Well I have another foster home adoption meeting to go to so it's all going to be alright I guess" I'm never the kind to be nervous about anything before, especially adoption meetings but now I think I'm actually crossing many lines, maybe it's because I'm turning 16 tomorrow, maybe age changing does change personality and how a person see things and feel about certain things " you're nervously shaking baby " she then says not that I didn't noticed it also, Mel and I, we have something special going on I think, she's who I go to when I'm down, she's the only one that Hendol has in his life to keep him together and I don't think she's ever going anywhere, I mean I hear the stories about her mom and how she died and they're just harsh, and I don't know how she manage to put up with Hendol who's always drinking, smocking and not even her biological father. she always told me that he kept her strong at times when she was going through her worst and that she has to pay him back but I think that's not truly why " well I hope it works out for you baby" she then says with her full attention back to the television, watching Glee which I'm pretty sure is her favorite show and the only show see watches when she's not busy doing homework or something else as important " thanks" I tell her and then we walk out the front door, hopefully today will be that day, if fate is real then today I'll find that special family, that special place to call home. I follow Hendol to his car and he doesn't say a word but I'm sure he wants me to say something but is just waiting for me to say something first. I won't say anything though. Just like all of the other times that I've been to these things.

HAYLIE

" Nice to meet you Haylie" he says and I don't waste no seconds, I shake his hand and make it grippy, I want him to think that I can handle a lot of things, I mean I'm lucky to be here, not everyday you see a man who's probably gay trying to foster a kid,chooses a girl instead of a boy, a boy is what every dad ever wishes for, right " nice to meet you too sir" " call me Brut" he says and I just continue to stare into his eyes, to let him know that I'm paying attention to what he has to say, everything that he has to say, to let him know that I do mean business " so you live alone Mr.Brut sir?" I ask him finally trying to figure out if he's gay or not in a more polite way and he respond as if he's been ask this very same question way too many times before and is getting tired of answering it " I live with my wife and she can't have kids, so we just foster kids who we feel needs another chance" I look to see and he doesn't have a marriage ring, and suddenly it hits me about what he just says, I thought I would be the only kid but if some is involve then I'm surely not going to make it, like the foster homes that I've been to before, including the one where I was kicked out for falling in love " you have other foster kids already? I ask clearing up things and he nods " well of course but my wife wanted two more, we already had foster twins and today it's you and a boy, that's why my wife couldn't be here with us, she's probably interviewing him as we speaks right now" I try to say something but something inside of me doesn't let me, I don't get along with people and it's not that I'm mean or anything but I just want to be alone and live my own life at times, where I won't have no one to disappoint me like my biological parents did, I am just hoping to get freedom for the first time in forever, my parents left me and I was only three years old, died in that car accident and I totally hate them for it, if they wasn't drinking and driving that night, after they came from that wedding then it wouldn't have happened, they didn't care about me, they didn't care about how it would've hurt my life, how it would've affected me today, I'm 17 years old now and this is my last chance, I can't screw this one up or I'm going to end up places that I won't like.

JAKE

" So tell me Jake how well do you play with others because you're not the only person that I'm fostering? she ask and I find myself just staring at the empty seat next to her, I mean I thought it was going to be two people, her husband didn't show up to the meeting which means there's no hope for me, he's already disappointing me and I'm not even in his foster home yet, story of my life " I'm sorry I'm just..." and before I could finish Hendol pass me a look of confusion, although I don't know what he's confuse about " Jake you seem like a good kid and so I thought you'd make a good son, one that I never had and never will have" I've been hearing sweet words for a long time now but none like this, is she acting like the others did, if she is then she's a way better actress than they were but then again they did get it pass me, I want to ask her why she says that she will never have a son like me but don't want to ask any personal questions yet and so I don't " so what's it going to be hon?" she ask pressuring me and I find it harder inside of me, finding it harder to say yes, that I agree to go with her and before I can fight myself to give an answer, she says " come on dear you've only got a little time left till they put you on the streets so.." and I nod, never thought making a choice that I've been making my whole life would be this hard in this specific day " well you know my address and so I'll see you tomorrow I guess,Jake." and she gets up to leave, taller than most women that I've seen over the past few years, long blonde hair, skinny but I think that her size goes with her , by the way she looks, I think it's fair to say that she's in her late 20s, which is confusing to me, someone who looks so young wants to foster kids, what's in this for her, a very hard life " I'll see you later guys." she says right before she disappear with the wind and then Hendol looks at me and says with what I think is excitement " we got a long day tomorrow, let's go home and get you ready for that, and this might be your last chance so don't do anything to screw it up, Jake." sometimes I think that Hendol forgets that he's not my actual father, although to me he's something that my father will never be till the day my father die wherever in hell he is right now.Hendol is better than my dad will ever be. And that's something that I'll alway keep in mind till the day I die.