No Such Thing | ✓

Ch.22 | I'm Sorry For Kissing You

N O

S U C H    T H I N G

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As I walk down the sidewalk and kick pieces of gravel, I finally reach my street and turn onto it.

James kissed me tonight. He actually pulled me to his chest, and kissed me.

How can one person just kiss you, and suddenly nothing else in the entire world matters? I didn't think about my mom, my pathetic excuse of a dad, my newfound baby sister, or anything other than the feel of his lips on my own.

I suppose I always hoped something like this would happen. I suppose it was always floating around in the depths of my chaotic mind, just waiting to be broken free.

And now that it has happened? I have absolutely no idea what to do about it.

Every time I feel as though we're finally getting somewhere, I think about my dad and all that he has done to me and I just can't get past it. I can't get past him making me feel worthless. I can't get past him making me feel as though I'll never be good enough. I can't get past him breaking my heart.

I know it sounds pathetic, but my father broke my heart. He broke it and I don't think I will ever be able to go through that pain again. I don't want to put myself into a situation where my heart can be broken again. I found a way to slowly repair it by shielding it from other people, but I fear if it happens a second time, putting it back together again won't come as easily.

As I make it to my driveway, I sigh in relief to see that my dad has left. I feel a little bad for how I acted towards Katrina. The truth is none of this is her fault. She didn't ask for the life she has, and I know that I should eventually apologize to her.

I may not be on good terms with my dad, but that doesn't mean I can't be happy to know that I have a little sister. I've always wanted a sibling, and now that has strangely become a reality. I don't want to waste it and regret it later.

As I push open the door, I immediately notice how quiet it is. Mom must be upstairs already.

I see my bag lying on the floor where I dropped it earlier, and walk over to get my phone.

I have a few texts from Abby and Lena, and ten missed calls from my mom. Apparently, she didn't know I left my phone at home. I slowly begin to feel bad for how I acted towards her. She didn't ask for my dad to show up unannounced. At least, I don't think she did.

As I'm walking upstairs, my phone vibrates with a text.

James: I'm sorry for kissing you. That was stupid. It won't happen again, don't worry.

As I read his text, I sigh. Of course he would react this way. As if kissing him was the worst possible thing that I've ever done.

I go to text him back, but that's when I hear my mom in her bedroom.

I shove my phone into my pocket and head for her bedroom door, slightly pushing it open.

"Mom?"

I hear a sniffle, and then she perks up in bed.

"Where have you been?" She scolds, and I knew that was coming.

"I uh, went for a walk." I reply, walking inside her room and sitting on the edge of her bed in front of her.