fire starter | l.s [1]

twenty

I kept my eyes trained on the blood-stained bandage that was wrapped tightly around Liam's arm. We had been walking in silence for the majority of our trip, giving me more than enough time to go over the situation repeadelty in my head. There were so many ways I could have saved him from the pain of a bullet wound. I knew I was being dramatic, I knew that he was going to be okay. But I couldn't help but feel an immense guilt. It was a gut feeling that I had never felt before. It felt as though every single emotion had bubbled itself inside my brain and the tiniest poke would make it burst.

I hate you, I thought to myself. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. I wanted to scream until my lungs collapsed, I wanted to cry until I had no tears left. In that very moment, I felt myself break. I hated every inch of skin in my body, I hated everything about me.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Liam asked, breaking the silence.

I felt my breath catch in my throat as I looked up at him, the sun reflecting of his pale skin which gave him a golden hue. A lump formed in my throat as I stared up at him, my mouth becoming completely dry.

And then, the bubble burst.

"I'm sorry," I whispered the words as though they were the most vulnerable thing to come out of my mouth.

Liam opened his mouth to reply but I didn't let him. The bubble had burst and suddenly I was feeling to many emotions at once. 

"I'm sorry for everything," I started, stopping in my tracks, as did everybody else. "You guys have shown me nothing but kindness and helped me through so much and I keep fucking everything up. I'm sorry, I'm such a mess. It's all too much, I can't do this anymore. Every day it gets worse and worse, I feel like I'm going to just burst. The guilt consumes me and it's like the only emotion I can feel. I want it to stop, I want it all to stop." My speech was quite jumbled and didn't make sense but right now, I couldn't care less.

I hadn't noticed the wetness of my cheeks until I had stopped. Everyone stared at me, dumbfounded. They wouldn't understand, what it's like to have a mind like mine, to live with anxiety every day. A rush of embarrassment flushed my cheeks with a pink glow. My legs felt like jelly and my hands were shaking uncontrollably. Never have I ever been so vulnerable, but it somehow felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. All the built-up anger and hatred I had stored away for myself had released into the air and I could finally breathe properly. It was like a breath of fresh air and I was no longer breathing in the toxins of my bottle up feelings.

Liam was quick to pull me into a tight hug. His big frame consumed mine and I felt so tiny within his buff arms. We swayed a little to the side from the impact of another body as it joined the hug, and then two others. Soon, we were a big random clump of children in the middle of a damn train track. But it was my big random clump.

We had stayed like that for awhile and I took in the scent of everybody. The scent that I wanted to associate with home. Though, Chub's had pulled away from the clump rather abruptly and let out an excited gasp. The rest of us pulled away, Liam's good arm still curled around the bottom of my back. My eyes soon caught on to what he was excited about, E.D.O was spelt out with rocks in the middle of the train tracks.

Ruby grabbed onto my arm and shook it with a big grin covering a majority of her face. A smile of my own found its way onto my lips as I looked over at Liam, who was incidentally looking down at me.

"We did it," I beamed.

"Yeah, we did," he smiled, pulling me closer to him so he could plant a kiss on my forehead.

"Well come on! Let's freaking go!" Chubs exclaimed, rocking back on fourth on the balls of his feet.

Zu tugged on Ruby's arm, pulling her excitedly in the direction of the letters. Chubs picked up his pace excitedly, falling into the fast-paced step with Ruby and Zu. Liam as I trailed slowly behind, he had intertwined our fingers and held mine tightly like they were the only thing they were made to hold.

After only a few minutes of walking of walking, we had reached a dirt clearing. As soon as we had step foot on that patch of brown, dusty earth, millions of gunshots fried my eardrums. Instinctively, I dropped to my feet, letting go of whatever grip I had on Liam. I wrapped my hands over my ears and laid there on the floor. I felt Liam drop next to me too but I didn't dare look up.

Loud footsteps bellowed across the floor, there had to be at least fifty-people. My first thought was PSFs. And my heart stopped, I couldn't go back to those camps. I'd rather go six feet under than ever step foot on that goddam premises.

"Liam? Liam Stewart?" it was a kids voice.

"Mike?" I heard Liam next to me, and I lifted my head to see at least fifty teenagers, all armed.

"You know this kid?" One of the guys asked from behind who I assumed was Mike.

"Yeah, it's been while but I know him," Mike smiled, holding out a hand to help Liam up from the ground.

The rest of us picked ourselves of the floor and Liam grabbed for my hand, pulling my closer into his side.

"We're looking for East River, you guys know where it is?" Liam asked, leaning forward slightly.

"We are East River," Mike offered another smile, "You've found us. Come on, we'll take you to the camp."

Liam and Chubs exchanged a glance before the group of teenage boys turned around and lead us through a forest. The journey was only short and I could practically see the excitement and happiness radiating off of Liam.

The camp was beautiful, it was set up in the middle of a large clearing. There were a few large tents scattered throughout with large amounts of kids smiling and running around. They looked clean, had no cuts, no bruises, no dirt. Certainly, made us look like a pack of wild animals.

And that's when I caught a glimpse of her. At first, I though it was someone else and then I had thought I was imagining her. But then she had turned in my direction, her dirty blonde hair had been cut short, it now hanging just above her shoulders. However, her eyes were as blue as I remembered them. She caught my eye for a second, doing a double take. Those ocean eyes widened at the sight of me and she came running over to us.

"Amelia? Is that-" I cut her off before she could finish.

"Yes!" I met her halfway, pulling her into a tight hug, "Caroline, I can't believe it's you."

Caroline hugged me tightly, "Yeah, me either."

"How did you get away from that PSF?" I asked as we pulled away from the hug, well aware that Liam and the others had their eyes on me.

"We had stopped at a stoplight and I had fake slept the whole ride. At the right moment, I unlaced my shoelace and choked him. I ran so goddamn fast from that car," she explained.

"I always knew you were part green," I smile, and she chuckled softly.

Before we could continue our conversation, Mike had come over and insisted that we go and meet with the slip kid. I waved goodbye to Caroline and joined back up with the ground. Mike broke away from the group of boys and lead us to the only wooden structure, the only one I could see at least. We jumped up the steps, all of us eager to finally know who the slip kid is.

When we had entered the room, I almost gasped. Clancy Gray was just sitting behind a desk, typing away at his computer. His stupid face had been so burned into my skull, I didn't even want to look at him. I couldn't escape those stupid posters that were plastered all over my camp. Clancy pushed himself up from where he was sitting and smiled brightly at all of us.

"I'll leave you guys to it," Mike left the room in an instant.

"You're the slip kid?" Chubs asked, not really quite believing what he was seeing.

"In the flesh and bone. You must be Chubs," Clancy offered a sly smile, proving that he was in fact, an orange.

"You're Liam, this little one must be Zu. And you two ladies must be Ruby Daly and Amelia Estrada. I've read a lot about you."

Ruby and I shared an uncomfortable glance and Clancy noticed this.

"Oh don't worry, I was just very intrigued. Ruby, you're the only other alive orange and well, Amelia you are a special one aren't you. Being the first and only hybrid."

"Come again?" Were the only words my lips could form. 

thank you all for 10k! That's so insane!