Hurting [Y/NxBTS]

Chapter Seventeen: Closing Off

After a while, the rest of the students arrived a teacher with them. Mr Lee scolded them for trying to ditch and assigned them in a specific seat, separated from one another. It's not hard to follow the rules, or this will happen.

Once detention finished, I wearily collected my belongings and headed out a little sluggish. The teacher liked me, so let me out first and held the rest of the students' back. Well, that me Yana.

The school was scary after school since the light usually get turned off, and everything becomes dark and mysterious. I wouldn't know if a shadow or a person was going jump and scare the life out of me. The echo of my footsteps as I walk through the halls followed me, making every inch of my spine crawl.

On my way to the exit, I saw someone exit a classroom doing up his tie. He looked slobby and unwell-dressed. As I examined to identify who the student was, quickly, I realised it wasn't who I would like to talk to at this moment.

My speed of walking hastened, hoping he wouldn't notice me. Unfortunately, it didn't help.

"Yana?"

I stop in my tracks and slowly turned around holding tightly onto my backpack which dangling off of one shoulder.

He began to approach me, my reason for running away when I had the chance was confusing. Maybe I curious about what he would say or perhaps I was hesitant to move.

His smile faded when he saw my expression on my face. Pitty, he sighed. "I'm sorry, Yana," He said with full honesty, "I really, am." I didn't believe anything he said, and I didn't wish to comment on it.

I stared sad-faced for a while, no words only eye contact. Honestly, I didn't know what to say or whether to believe anything he said. I didn't want to, but I also wanted to hear him out, as I pointed out before.

I sigh, "Tae, I-" I looked out of his direction, feeling slightly confused, "-I don't want to talk to you right now."

As he was about to say something I interrupted him, "-No, I need some time to think."

He fell silent.

"You can think while walking home with me?" He suggested.

I chuckled faintly, "Maybe next time."

As I was about to walk off, he called over to me, "I saw the note."

I stopped, instantly.

The note I left him beside the gate? He found it, what the hell. All this time, I thought he wasn't paying attention to my rambling, he was. I mistook him for a person he wasn't.

"I shouldn't have made you wait that long for me, I shouldn't have played you for a fool," Gradually, he began to walk closer to me, "I sincerely apologise to you, Yana. I mean it when I say, I will never hurt you like this again."

Softly, he touched my cheek, bringing it up to his face. I stared blankly into his twilight eyes, as he drew me into him. "Understand?" His voice deepened, making me feel slightly short of breath. I nod slowly, replying to his words.

Once he let me go, my dropped my face looking towards the floor. I can't believe that happened; I didn't want to accept what happened. Slowly, I began to look back at him he looked like the Tae I knew. Strange.

Quickly, I got myself together, with a deep exhalation. What Tae did was wrong, I know he's sorry for it. But I need to know he cares.

"-Well," I gulped, "You'll have to wait to walk with me."

I sighed, "Goodbye Tae." And I walk off without looking back.

Once I reached my house, I quickly open the door and closed it. I took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. All the feelings from yesterday came flooding back, harder this time. With a single breath, I collapsed into tears. All the emotions I'd bottled up for so long came back. I was hurting. The worst thing is, no one knew.

I may not be the best liar, but hiding my feelings was natural for me. So natural, I didn't know I was doing it for so long hurting not only me but the people around me. This entire time, I was the selfish one.

For weeks, I kept to myself. Closing my family and friends off. Still, I didn't have the guts to tell them what I was going through, what I may do to myself. Maybe I was afraid, or maybe I didn't want to let them know.

All I knew was, to be unable to hurt people, I need to close off everyone I cared about, including Tae.

I had been intentionally missing phone calls from Hoseok and ignoring my brother Jimin. Although he quickly got the message I didn't want to talk to him, Hoseok didn't. Every day, he would continue to call more frequently even during school. I could tell he was worried about me, but I couldn't hurt him too.

I refuse.