Class
Alex sat down on his seat and apologized for being late.
"Alright Mr. Turner but don't be late next time" the teacher said.
Alex nodded in response and took his stuff out.
"Alright. Take out your books and read the pages three hundred nine until three hundred seventeen. And do the exercises on each page. There are not a lot of them. Two on each page I believe. What you can't finish today, is homework for next week. And please be silent and don't talk with your partner unless you have a question that you don't want to ask me. So get to work" the teacher said. He sat down and took out a magazine to read. While the students have to do all this work.
Alex, as well, opened his book and notebook and started reading page three hundred nine but got lost in his thoughts not long after.
What the hell did just happen again with Mr. Kane? This is not normal. I mean.. we have such a connection. We don't need any words. We can be in the same room, sitting next to each other and not speak for hours, it seems, and it wouldn't be awkward at all! He just fucking caressed my cheek for gods sake and I did nothing against it! See.. this is why your boyfriend is mad at you. You get so worked up into people and not even knowing it.
This is stupid. I am stupid. Does he have? No.. He can't.. But..
Mr. Kane doesn't have.. no he wouldn't.. he is my teacher.. I'm his student.. Fuck.. What did I get meself into this time?
I hope he didn't mean it that way.
But it's not like I didn't like his touch either.. it just felt good, like it belonged there. Like this is the most normal thing for us to do. It's never weird when we are like that. Close.
Right after when something is disturbing us. Then. Then it starts to become weird. It is like we are in some kind of space far away and right when it really starts to.. I don't know.. become more intimate, you could say, right then something or someone interrupted us. It's like it is meant to be but at the same time it is not. Does that make sense? Does anything make sense here right now? I like his touch but also I'm a bit creeped out about it after it happened but then again I summat wish it would happen again? I don't even understand meself right now. Am I desperate? Do I seem desperate to him? Oh god yes I probably do.
I am so desperate.
Why do I have to insist in people liking me? Every time. It's the same with Alexa. I just have to have her liking me. Even my teacher.. But he likes me back, doesn't he? at least I think that. But he wouldn't touch me like that, would he? He sometimes said things I can't believe he said it. Like today. 'That's not what good boys do' And what is that all about? He said that we are friends, but friends doesn't behave themselves like we do. At least not friends who have nine years apart. Well, he is my only friend who is nine years older than me. But I don't know.. do I have feelings for him? I sure like him. He is nice, we have a lot in common, he is probably the most handsome guy I have ever seen. But are there feelings? Romantic feelings? No. No I can't. I can't let some sort of romantic feelings develop for him. I have a boyfriend for the love of god.
Yeah.. a boyfriend who is mad at you. A boyfriend who you are going to loose because you think like that. Because you can't keep a single straight thought with yourself and what you want. I want everybody and everything I can't have and that's my problem. I want my boyfriend. I want him so bad, I really do. And then there is Alexa. Do I want her? Probably. The question is, do I want her as my girlfriend? I can't imagine meself again with a girl, it's so different. I don't like that. I don't like to be with a girl. At least not really intimate. It's just not the right thing for me.
But not to forget, there is Mr. Miles Kane. My teacher and friend. What am I going to do with him. I like him a lot it scares me, because I am not supposed to in so many ways.
I've never thought that I would be that kind of person who would have these problems in deciding which man I want, can or even can't have. It's strange but I guess it had to happen just because I thought of the opposite. Does that make sense?
The bell rang and woke Alex up from his daydreaming. He realised that he hasn't done any of the exercises he was supposed to and now he has to do everything at home.
Alex decided to skip the last class and went home. His mother wasn't there yet so Alex decided to cook something for both of them to eat. He wasn't a great cook but pasta with some kind of sauce wasn't that difficult to him and he knew he could make his mother happy with a simple gesture like that.
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Really short sorry for that but here is a mess called alex little train of thought if you will.
Not the best work of mine but enjoy it anyways.
Let me know what you think of little confused Al
