"Baby.. I'm gonna take you home now.. I messed up I'm sorry.. I didn't want to ruin our night" I knelt down to you and attempted to wipe your tear away but you turned your head around and shut your eyes. Tears came out.
"Please talk to me or at least let me bring you home" my voice was trembling. I was desperate. Please give me an answer. I thought I was going to faint.
No answer. I felt the shakes coming and panic was spreading all across my body.
"Alex I really am sorry" I put my fingers beneath your chin and turned your head to face me. No chance for you to turn around again. You had to look at me.
"Please Mi.. let me have a minute" you finally opened your eyes and I could see the pain and disappointment in them. It pierced me like a knife right through my heart and at this moment I knew I messed up big time. I have to do better. For you.
I nodded at your answer and sat right in font of you. I pulled out a clean tissue and hand it over to you which you picked up. I saw how your tears became more and more and I couldn't handle the sight so I buried my face in my shaking hands.
Why did I have to take them today. I knew you would notice it and I did it anyway. I'm a horrible person and probably the biggest failure to you. Sometimes my mind just wanders over and determine me to take them and I follow the lead. I did what I had to do.
Truth be told I don't want to be like this, because it makes you sad. You are crying because I can't get my life together.
"Why are those pills so addictive?" after minutes that's the only thing that came out of your mouth. I had to think for a long time and I couldn't find the right answer. Perhaps there isn't even one.
"Honestly Alex I don't know. Sometimes I feel like the whole world is coloring me blue and I honestly don't have a reason to think like that but sometimes my thoughts just get ahead of me. I can't help it" I see my answer wasn't pleasant to you so I tried again.
"Okay wait I got something.. Maybe this can explain it a bit more to you" I grabbed my bag and took out my little notebook and opened it to a specific page and hand it over to you "read this"
"I feel like the world is coloring me blue, there are times I feel worthless yet depressed without a reason.
I could cry all day and night
I feel nothing- so damn empty
salty tears flowing down my skin leaving a path of pain I went through
I don't feel like I'm alive maybe the way that I'm living is killing me?
I can't do anything, something is missing from me
probably my will to live
I'm always smiling the pain away- at least I'm trying to but I don't think I have the strength to do so anymore. I'm hiding in the dark but my thoughts always find me every time I'm alone. I can't escape them, they capture me like an animal in a cage and I can not do anything against it because my weakness has become my biggest enemy as it keeps me down on my bed crying 'cause life's too hard to handle and I'm just another dying soul who's trying to survive, trying to find happiness but happiness is a butterfly and we should try to catch it while life is dragging us down."
More and more tears were leaving your eyes as you read all my pain that I keep with me every day.
"Mi.. I didn't know.. but why the pills Mi? There are other things you can do.. why destroy yourself? why didn't you talk to me in the first place? I feel so terrible seeing you like this"
"They're my butterflies I guess.. I don't know Alex they keep me away from myself talking to myself about myself and everything that's wrong in life and with me"
We were both crying by now.
"But.. but nothing is wrong with you Mi! Would you please let me help you out of this?"
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Hey guys.. I thought maybe I should do a part 2 of 'Hollywood and Vine' and here it is! This time it's Miles perspective.
the note Miles showed to Alex is something I wrote today while I practically drowned myself in my depression and I thought this would suit the story.
Let me know what you think
