in January 2019 after spending much of 2018 slowly spiraling downward, I found myself at a low I never thought possible. Trapped by extreme anxiety and obsessive negative thoughts, I spent much of the month stuck in bed. Crying more often than not. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was experiencing clinical depression and OCD. I thought I could think my way out of my problems, trying to find the "one fix". but no matter what I did I couldn't seem to escape the voice in my head that beat me up for every single thing I did, told me to quit music, and told me was a bad person. I had fallen out of love and everything I used to care about, and began to question everything about my identity. I wrote this next song right before I decided to get help. With the support of my friends, family and team, I found the right therapist and opened myself up to seeing a psychiatrist. At first, I was resistant. being diagnosed with OCD and depression, I was urged to get on medication. But I felt like succumbing to medication was weak. I felt defeated. But I felt I had nothing left to lose. After about a month on my course of medication and therapy, I slowly found myself climbing out of the hole. My anxiety was becoming more and more manageable and a sense of normalcy was returning .. even hints of happiness, clarity, and rational thinking. I realized that mental health needed to be approached like any physical illness or ailment, and that when you're suffering , it doesn't always make sense. Your mind can make you feel trapped and isolated, but I found that opening up to the people around me was the best decision I ever made. It's all an ongoing journey, but there are ways to manage it and stay in a good place. You can help friends who are struggling by showing you care. Be prepared and sign up for a mental health first aid course. Text LAUV to 33222.
Daydream
Life feels like a daydream
And I just wish that I could wake up
I just wish that I could wake up
My mind whispers in the nighttime
Voices always keeping me up
Telling me that I should give up
'Cause lately I've been in the backseat to my own life
Trying to take control but I don't know how to
I don't want to be sad forever
I don't want to be sad no more
I don't want to wake up and wonder
What the hell am I doing this for
I don't want to be medicated
I don't want to go through that war
I don't want to be sad
I don't want to be sad
I don't want to be sad anymore
I don't want to be sad forever
I don't want to go one more day
I just want to wake up and realize everything's gonna be okay
I don't know how else to say it
I don't want to go through that war
I don't want to be sad
I don't want to be sad
I don't want to be sad anymore
I'm coming through to the other side
I'll make it through to tomorrow
'Cause that's all I can do today, do today
'Cause lately I've been in the backseat to my own life
Trying to take control but I don't know how to
I don't want to be sad forever
I don't want to be sad no more
I don't want to wake up and wonder what the hell am I doing this for
I don't want to be medicated
I don't want to go through that war
I don't want to be sad
I don't want to be sad
I don't want to be sad anymore
I don't want to be sad forever
I don't want to go one more day
I just want to wake up and realize everything's gonna be okay
I don't know how else to say it
I don't want to go through that war
I don't want to be sad
I don't want to be sad
I don't want to be sad anymore
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Hey guys this isn't a chapter or a new One shot story but I found it very important to share this with you guys cause I know there are some of you guys who deal with this kind of stuff, just as myself.
I was at a Lauv concert yesterday in cologne and it was just amazing. Right before he sang "sad forever" he said those words and it really moved me because I feel this way and that's okay cause I know it will get better and I just wanted to say that you're not alone with that.
