Or So You Thought

Brian Releases His Emotions

This part is all about Brian finally letting his brother Malcolm know why he feels the way he does about Malcolm & the rest of the family. Hope you enjoy it! xx

"Thanks man. I really do owe you one" Malcolm says as I walk through the door. "Oh shut up. One million? Yeah." I reply. Did I want that to come out? Probably not because I don't have time for anymore questions but it's too late now. "What do you mean?" Malcolm asks. There it goes and here it comes. The build-up anger. "What do I mean? Yes bro. Let's find out exactly what. I. mean. From the beginning, shall we? How about when I was 7 years old, hm? You should remember. That was when you had your 'big game' & Mom was 'so PROUD of you'. I sat in the back with all your baseball crap while you sat up front with Mom. I had one suitcase & Bubba. You remember Bubba, don't you Malcolm?" I ask. "Yeah I remember Bubba. It was the only stuffed animal you had or wanted. You loved that thing. Your Dad gave it to you on your 4th birthday" he replied. "On my 3rd birthday, actually. Anyway, I was going to hang out with Dad that weekend so I was getting dropped off at Nama's house. It was my 8th birthday weekend actually. As I got out of the car at Nama's, I was crying. I remember Bubba getting thrown into the trunk. But why? Malcolm, do you know why?" I asked. It was my turn now. "Brian, why are you doing this?" He asked in return. "ANSWER the question! WHY?!" He sighs before answering "because I told Mom it was stupid for you to have it when you were going to turn 8. I said she should dump it or give it away" "You told our Mom it was STUPID for me to have something I cared about! You told her to throw or give away something that was mine, not yours, MINE. How could you? How DARE you! But I digress,"

"So after I cried my heart out for about an hour or so,  I waited by the window in the family room for Dad to show. But did he? He did not. For five days, I waited. Never came for me. Neither did my mother or brother. No one ever came for me-" "Brian? That's not even fair. I-" "I WASN'T FINISHED!" I screamed. I was going to get what I had to say out & be damned if Malcolm or anyone or anything interrupted me from it. "Years went by. Not a word. No calls, no cards, presents or letters. Nothing. I was on my own from the time I was 13 to now. I'm almost 21. No one came to my birthday party. Grandma was the only one there for me for it all. Guess she got tired of seeing me cry all of the time. God bless her soul. She used to always tell me 'No matter what, I love you'. Every night before I went to sleep, she'd say that to me before kissing my forhead. One night, I woke mid-dream when I realized she didn't say it to me. I walked all around the house until I found her in her bed, sleep. The next day, I went to school, came back, & she was still asleep. I tried to wake her, but she still didn't move. That's when I knew. The funeral was beautiful, a shame you, Momma, or Daddy couldn't make it. Too busy with school, drinking, & being in jail for the one person in this family that could even stand to look at you with unconditional love in their heart! There I was 13 & alone. I still had to eat, still had to keep the lights & water on. Wasn't old enough to get a job, so I met a couple of buddies at the corner store that said I could make at least one grand a night if I was good at this 'task' they had for me. Didn't know I delt, did you? Of course not. Too busy for that too, I suppose. I finally could get a job making legitimate money but when you deal & join gangs, a simple 'I'm out' doesn't do shit. Took a lot of beatings, even got shot in the rib. Were you there at the hospital though? No. No one was. Do you think THAT was fair? Fuck what you think! To hell with how you feel!"

There was a long silence. About five minutes later, Malcolm says: "Is that why you hate me?" It honestly took me by surprise. Did I hate him? No. He's my brother & I love him while I also despise him, but I don't hate him. "I don't hate you. Don't get me wrong, I really don't like you, I somewhat despise you but I don't think I'll ever hate you. No matter what you do," Faster than I can even think about it, tears start falling from my eyes. "I just- I just don't understand what I did that you guys would just leave me there & never come back" Malcolm slowly walks closer to me "Your Dad called us saying that you were having a great time with him & that you wanted to be with him. We thought that's what you wanted. I-We thought you were happy. You were so angry for so long, I can't even remember the last time we played a game together or laughed & had fun together. I thought you hated me. That's why I never called. But we did send you stuff, all of the time to you Dad's house. I'm sorry Brian. With everything in this world & more, I'm so sorry. If I had known-"

"How could not know Malcolm?! 9 years, I said nothing. I didn't know where you guys were or what you were doing. I didn't even know if guys were even alive still. Didn't it even come to mind to contact Nama? I know she didn't have a phone but that's not an excuse. How did you not know? Even when I drove three damn days from Maine through the pouring rain to your wedding in freaking California, nothing. Even when I took second shifts, spent almost $300 for MJ, & drove five hours to his first birthday party, the only thing I got was a 'thanks for coming little bro'. How could you not know? I waited for so long for someone to come back for me & no one has. Didn't you worry, didn't you think about me, didn't you love me? How could not have known?" I was physically & emotionally drained. It had gotten the best of me & I collapsed to the floor, with Malcolm holding me as tight as I was holding him, grabbing the cloth of his tee & snot-nosed crying on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry Brian. I love you little bro. Please forgive me?" He asks, crying along with me. "Of course I forgive you. I'm sorry for being so mad for so long big bro. I love you too" What a sob fest.

Once I finally calmed down & felt I could stand on my own, tiny little arms wrapped themselves around my leg. "Uncle B?! How long have you been at my house?" Mj says to me. Although I was exhausted, I mustered up enough strength to pick him up & hold him at my hip. "Not long at all lil buddy," I lied, but he doesn't need to know. "I came here to hang with you. Mommy & Daddy have a date & those are icky so we are going to be here doing awesome, non-icky, boy stuff. Is that okay with you Mj?" I ask my nephew. "Yeah! Boy stuff! I'll go get my remote controlled trucks" he says. He runs up the stairs, falls at the top, gets up & continues to run into into his room. Now, I still don't like children, but my nephew would be the perfect kid to make me change all of that.

"What am I in jail for now?" I ask as I continue to laugh. So far I've been in jail for kicking the wall, peeing on the floor, & drawing on Liz's 'clean' shoes with makers.  I'm assuming these are inspired by real life situations. I've tried escaping three times though I only made it twice, exactly why I'm getting another sentencing now. "Because you put crayons in the sink & that's bad. That means you have to stay here forever!" Mj says as he attempts an evil laugh. "If you let me go, I'll give you something" I say to lure him in. "Please Uncle B, I saw you crying with Dad. You don't have anything for me" he replies. Okay, no one told me this boy was smart.  "I have candy on the counter" I quickly state. "You're free" he says as he walks into the kitchen. I am free...

Finally.