The Difference

Loneliness Is The Worst Heartbreaker

I jumped as there was a slam against my desk, books meet wood. I look up to see those brown eyes staring at me. She gave me an annoyed look as she said "sorry I've been trying to get your attention and you weren't paying attention to me. I just," she paused biting her lip, unsure of how to say her thoughts. "I meant to apologize for how I've acted around you lately. Would you like to," she grimaced a little. "Would you like to come over to my house to work on the history project?" Something about this told me that she didn't really want me to come, but there was still that part of me that held on to the hope that some part of her really did want me to come over. I had been staring at the blank document in front of me, willing the words to come, to show up just on the paper. I closed my computer, took out my earbuds, and looked up at her, studying her features to see if she was serious or if this was just a prank.

"Sure, what time should I come by?" I smirked at her, prank or not I wasn't going to let her get out of this easily. She was trying not to glare at me, willing me to take it back. Her lips became a thin line.

"You can come around 7:15." She picked her books up and walked away. Veronica came into the room and sat down next to me. Her black hair covered her face, creating a wall between us. I pushed the hair back and tucked it behind her ear. 

"Hey, you ok?" I know she was just using me, I know that I shouldn't care. But I also know that if I felt like hiding from the world, I would want someone to talk to about it. A tear fell from eye, just one to show her vulnerability while also showing how strong she is, she wouldn't let the dam break and the ocean spill from her eyes.

"Yeah," She paused, her eyes considering, wandering, following her thoughts. "I just miss Archie. I'm sorry, I know you don't really want to hear about my exes but I miss him so much. And sometimes I just-" She brought her hand to her face, trying to stifle her sniffle. Her voice cracked, before I could reach to wipe her tears away our english teacher started the class. A wave of exhaustion washed over me, knocking me over and pulling me under. 

How I woke up wasn't very glamorous, it was by a certain redhead who kept kicking my leg.

"I have study hall right now, you're going to be late for your next class. How long have you been in here anyways?" I wiped at my eyes, looking at my phone, I had been sleeping here for the past three hours. Crap.

"Too long, goodbye." I got up to leave but I felt her eyes follow me. I turned back to see her look away. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but then I remembered Ronnie. I have a girlfriend, I love her. Or at least I think I do. I didn't want to be in this suffocating toxic place they call school, I decided to leave. Once I got home, I tucked myself under the covers and slept. I was too tired to cry, to exhausted to hope and too broken to care.

When I woke up, it was 3:43 in the morning, I picked up my phone and called Veronica.

"Ronnie?" I heard her pick up, I didn't know if I had woken her up or if she had already been awake.

"Yeah?" She sounded sleepy. I was still mustering up the courage to ask her as I took a deep breath.

"Why are we together?" I held my breath as I waited for her answer. If I had woken her up, she might not think about it too long and forget to lie. This might be the only way of how to get to hear her real reason why. A part of me wanted to know if she really did love me, if we did really have a chance. Once I heard her answer, my heart sunk into my chest. All those hopes of this relationship surviving crashed with it.

"Because I don't want to be alone."