September 28th

11. Fight

~~Tasha~~

The phone went silent.

But I could still hear it. I could still hear her screaming in the background. The sound stuck with me, eating me up because I knew. I knew too well what she was going through and exactly like before, I'm not there for her.

I cut the call and placed my phone down. A sigh, which brought no relaxation, left my lips and I slumped down the chair. It was happening again or maybe it has been happening and she just didn't tell me. But why would she, it's not like I was going to do anything about it, as usual I'm useless so it's best to keep away.

I stood up from my chair determined to drink this shit feeling away, I hate thinking too much. Too much deep shit has never been good for me.

The office was empty and the silence was too loud. You can get away from this, you just need to make one call the damn voice persuaded me again. I couldn't go back to it. The life of living on the edge, partying my sorrows away and shagging whomever I could get my chances with was over, I was over that.

Three damn months of therapy to prove I'm not a sex addict nor a druggy couldn't go to waste. Mother would be so disappointed.

I'm stronger than this feeling, I'm stronger than what my mind tells me I am, but one drink won't hurt

One drink turned to two and eventually I was three bottles gone. The same trap all the time.

My phone lay still on the desk my mind begging me to make the call, what could one more night hurt. I need to feel something, anything, the numb state my mind and body decided to travel to was too much to bear, I had to feel

So I made the call, "hey, it's Tasha" the familiar voice sounded delighted, indeed it had been a while, 2 years to be exact.

"Thought I'd never hear from you again"

"Well.. shit happens.. You got something for me?"

"I always got something for you." I could hear his deadly sweet smile through the phone and I could feel the cravings crawl up again, "why don't you come over, same place"

I can fight it, I can fight him, I can fight the urges, I can handle anything life throws at me, but how do I handle being my own enemy...

"keep the door open..."

________________

I guess in the end we all got our own demons to fight right..

Love, Lee 🤗