Smoke my dope

the dinner

Pump- or Gazzy, whatever you call him, was on his way, I was finishing up dinner, which was a chicken parmesan with a tomato and  basil sauce. I was kind of nervous for him coming, I missed him every day but I also get reminded every time I see him of how much he has hurt me. still at least he didn't sleep with any of his friends, more than I can say for myself. I was finishing up the chicken when the door went, I skipped over to answer it. on the other side stood Gazzy, somehow, even after the last few years, the sight of him still takes my breath away. 

"hay, come in dinners almost finished." I said as he walked in. 

"it smells really good" he told me I nodded.  

"yeah well I been working on it all day, you want a drink?" I asked. 

"yeah, you got a beer?" he asked, I nodded. 

"since when did you drink beer?" I asked him, he laughed. 

"ion know, it just seams more acceptable thank straight whiskey these days" he laughed, we both sat silently as I got his beer and checked on the sauce. 

"the question is when did you start cooking?" he questioned, I shrugged. 

"I just learned to cook more after I started looking after the kids, they need real home made meals" I told him, he nodded. he watched me as I moved around the kitchen, it felt all to farmiliar, honestly I missed being around Gazzy, he was always fun and he always had cool things to do. 

"you look good lately Zen, I mean the fame looks well on you, it always did" he said walking up to me. I giggled like a school girl. "wanna tell secrets Zen?" he asked wrapping an arm around my waist, whispering into my ear, I nodded. 

"I missed you being around" he whispered in my ear before talking a sip of his bottle. "your turn" he said making the hairs on my neck stand up.

"you look hot with the beard, but I would never admit it again, because it makes you look fat" I said making us both burst into laughter, his ruff shadow scratched my neck as he hid his face in the crook of it. I giggled as he moved around.

"so im fat now?" he asked. I shook my head. 

"you aren't fat, the beard just fills out your face more, it makes you look chubby, you still sexy tho" I laughed and turned to face him. I looked into his dark blue eyes, the ones I missed so much. 

"it kills me that we both miss each other this much but cant be together." he said looking into my eyes too. 

"look, dinners nearly ready, why don't you go wash up and ill plate the food up" I said, he nodded and went to the sink to wash his hands, I got the chicken out the oven and started to plate the food up.

###

we had both eaten as much as we could possibly handle, Gazzy a lil more than me, now we were both watching a movie on the couch, I was on the other side from him, with my feet on his lap, he was rubbing them for me making me smile, it reminded me of how sweet he could be. 

"Gazzy, when you didn't leave tour to come to my mothers funeral, why didn't you come?" I asked out the blue, I already felt the tension in the air stiffen up.

"honestly?" he asked, I nodded. "before your mother passed you put your tour on hold, you nursed me every day for 3 months, you gave up everything, you lost money, you got swarmed by paparazzi for weeks, I caused you so much pain already, and I didn't wanna hurt you again, by turning up to your mothers funeral when I knew I had relapsed and you would have felt like you failed, I just didn't wanna hurt you" he said, his voice stayed even but he looked upset when telling me.