Smoke my dope

Jahseh Onfroy (pt 1)

So i almost had a mental breakdown tryna write this part so god knows how imma write part 2. Anyway.

Dedicated to Jahseh Onfroy 🕊

a man who managed to save my life.

LLJ 🕊

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Gazzy was finaly home! I had missed him so freaking much, i genuinely have never felt the pain of being separated from a loved one since Danny was in prison the first time. That shit was hard, i was like 11 or 12 the first time he got locked up. After that i never thought i would ever feel the pain of having someone you love here but not being able to see them.

Thats pain, the pain of longing for someone you love to be with you, is the type of pain i hate. It was stronger this time, it was like my heart went with Gazzy.

I never knew how much i could ever love someone until i met Gazzy. I would give up everything for him. I would give him my everything. I would die for him and give him my last breath. I felt like life wouldn't worth living without him, and if i ever  lost him for any reason. I would never recover.

Thats the pain of young love i guess.

We were in the livingroom. I was going to tell Gazzy about Trippie and last week at the club. Ive been avoiding Kerr like crazy so i didnt need to talk about it but it hasnt been off my mind. I was so scared to t ell him because he scared me when he got angry. The smallest ones are the most dangerous apparently.

"Whats up babe, you're starting to worry me" he said as we sat next to eachother on the couch. I had been telling him for days we had to speak and i was gettin more and more nervous. He had only been home for 2 hours.

"Gazzy i gotta tell you something" i said taking a deep breath.

"What?" He asked chuckling nervously.

"So last week i was at the Club with Brian and Kerr and Trippie came in with his crew" i said. Gazzy looked at me and i looked down. Suddenly he pulled his hand away. I shook my head and took it back.

"I tried to avoid him but followed me to the bathroom and we had words." I said starting to well up at the eyes. He sighed and pulled his hands away and dragged them down his face.

"Did he touch you?" Gazzy asked. I let tears fall and shook my head. "Well what Zen? Im confused? Why are you telling me this?" he said. I put a hand on his cheek.

"Please listen to this part carefully ok. I need to talk this through with you ok. Just... just dont get angry because i want you to know that i love you, more than ive ever loved anything on earth"i said. Gazzy shook his head and dragged his hands down it again before standing up.

"I cant promise i wont kill him if this is bad Alzen. I sware to fucking god." he said already getting worked up.

"Look in summer last year you know me and him kissed. He ment alot to me then because he was so sweet and he was there for me when everyone else wasn't. It was like fake him to fool me into thinking he was a good person. I fucking... i cared about him. And at the club i was so drunk... he kissed me" i said. Gazzy was already pacing. He took a deep breath before putting his fist trough the wall. I flinched.

"You kiss him back?" I shook my head, letting tears flow free. One thing about Gazzy was he had a short fuse. He gets angry real fast.

"And i didnt stop him at first. I dont know why not. I just... i slapped him as soon as i came to my sences. It lasted like two seconds, i sware." I said trying to make him understand.

"Thats just fucking amazing, oh wow... clearly i shouldnt be mad atchu, you slapped him, i mean what else could a boyfriend ask for?" Gazzy said sarcastically and clapping. Fortunetly i wasnt crying anymore. I dont think ive ever cried as much as i have when it comes to Gazzy, ive said it before but he truely is my weakness. I was getting ready for him to explode.