Behind You (gxg)

A- is for Aware

She held me against the wall with her own body as she slowly closed the distance between our lips. I could feel my heart racing in my throat, and a shiver ran through me as I anticipated the much desired contact. I had been waiting for this moment for so long and now that I was finally here I thought I was going to explode. The air was pure electric. Her breath could be felt against my own before her lips finally found home. My brain melted as I did into her. Everything in me ceased to function while I was wired on the intensity. She wasn't rough, rather it was almost a slow and gentle kiss. I couldn't really tell anymore because it made everything even more intense and passionate. I felt myself moan into her as our lips molded into each other. Her hands were planted on my hips acting as my only grounding point; I was floating. My own hands rose to her neck and began entangling with her dark brown silky hair, pulling her closer than possible. Nothing around us existed in this moment. I began to nibble on her bottom lips practically hungry for more. This caused her to let out a groan which encouraged me further. Her hands began to play with the bottom of my shirt, slowly grazing my skin with smoldering touches gradually moving upwards. I felt her cool fingers grazing my bare skin around my back and could feel another moan rising from the depths of my diaphragm. Shivers ran across my body as I felt pure ecstasy from the simplest of touches. Her hands began tracing higher up as my breath felt both endless and limited by the intensity of the situation.

Pause.

This is no way to properly introduce a story. I wouldn't want you to get too excited too fast, it's all about the foreplay anyhow. But before you try to ask too many questions, or start yelling at me for interrupting, let us go back a bit.

~

When I was seven years old, our neighbours invited my family to join them at their cottage by Lake Kawartha; which happened to mean 'bright waters and happy lands' according to Curve Lake First Nation. The place was so peaceful and limitless, and as someone who loved to swim anywhere, the lake water was perfectly inviting. I spent most of that weekend in the water either swimming or kayaking, or just floating around with the sun smiling down on me. I would close my eyes and try to see through my eyelids and imagine the world made of lava or what it would be like living on the sun. I'd really only go inside to get something to eat or sleep after being told nine o'clock is too late to be in the water.

I had noticed that when I'd be swimming alone early in the morning or when everyone else was busy making dinner, that it felt like someone was spying on me. I began to hope that I had a friend nearby who would want to play with me. But no matter where I looked or how fast I tried to be at catching this stranger, I couldn't find them. While feeling like someone was behind me playing tricks, I was really all alone. This began to freak me out and so I asked about it.

"Did you see anyone outside mom?" I had just come in and grabbed a towel and saw her preparing a sandwich for herself.

"Just you noodle, why? Did you make a friend or something?" I shook my head to reply and tried to shrug it off. But even then, it felt like someone was lurking behind me. I quickly turned my head to try and catch the culprit but had no success. Nothing.

This kind of situation seemed to repeat itself throughout my life. Whether it was when walking down the street to my friends' house or when taking a shower, something was creeping around. I'd start to feel like I had whiplash from trying to turn my head so fast. My older sisters would pick on me for it, calling me "noodle neck", using my mom's old nickname for me. What a stupid nickname.

As I grew older and had more access to the rest of the world- mainly internet- I began researching what this strange sensation was. The theories were all over the place from guardian angels, to aliens, to government conspiracies, etc. Nothing seemed to match or make much sense. And so, with time, I began to just accept it and try to ignore it to the best of my ability.