Behind You (gxg)

L - is for Luminous

I had spent the whole week hiding out at home just watching Netflix or reading. I had called in sick Sunday night, stating that I caught some sort of virus. At a daycare, you wouldn't want to take the risk of bringing in viruses, because they spread like wildfire. Rosie wished me better, knowing that I don't usually miss work, she must have thought it was quite serious. I just needed to be alone, to process, and I couldn't risk seeing Uri or Lilah or I would combust.

On top of it all, my body ached immensely. It didn't matter how many painkillers and hot/cold compresses I tried, my bones and joints continued to flare with pain. I felt exhausted. And on top of all of that, my mind couldn't stop playing back everything that happened Sunday morning. It just didn't make any sense, it couldn't.

But as the days passed by achingly slow, everything made more and more sense- which scared me. I felt like I had more questions then answers, but I was terrified of asking them. I was terrified of asking Lilah, of seeing her again.

And the worst part is, that when she yelled out that she loves me, I ran.

A part of me craved to text Lilah, call her, see her, but the rest of me was petrified. I didn't know what anything meant anymore. And so, by Thursday afternoon as I aimlessly wandered around my apartment, I decided to entertain the thought that everything she said was true. It couldn't hurt, more.

So, let's say that when I was born, I almost died and then my dad begged the universe or whoever to let me live. And then my soul got split in half and was given to Lilah and I was saved. And all my life I feel like someone is watching me.

Then suddenly Lilah appears in my life and I'm instantly drawn to her, but I get these dreams that some winged creature will protect me. Then, at a club she protects me from some unwanted dancer and then she suddenly has wings and I pass out. After, she tells me that she exists because of me, that she's my other half, and that she loves me, and it's all meant to be. And finally, whenever I'm away from her, my body aches unbearably.

Okay, let's say all of this is true. Now what? Where do we go from here?

Mid thought I received a text from Erin, again. I hadn't been responding to her messages the last few days either, and if it weren't for her busy work schedule, she would have broken down my door a while ago.

BitchTart (Erin): yo, u still ignoring me? Hella rude. Well fine. Reach out when u want

BitchTart (Erin): hope ur ok...

How would I even begin to explain to her what's been going on? I groaned out loud and brushed a hand through my hair, messing it up even more. Nervous habit. I continued to pace. A few minutes later my phone started vibrating again and I was about to throw it at the wall when I saw that Rosie from the daycare was calling.

"Hi Rosie" I picked up and greeted her meekly.

"Hey Noa, I hope you're feeling better..." She replied hesitantly. "I could really use you tomorrow... I'm kind of stuck... Zareen can't cover."

I sighed and realized I had to face reality at some point. "Yeah, I'll be in for my shift."

I heard a big sigh of relief on the other side and Rosie thanked me before hanging up. I guess I better stop pacing and get my shit in order.

~

Happy Birthday

When I got to the daycare the next morning I felt just as dreadful as the night before. But I pushed myself to get up and going and accepted that I couldn't avoid reality forever. The nice thing about opening the daycare was that there were always a few minutes of peace before the kids started to arrive. I relished in the quiet as I put my bag away and started setting up the breakfast.