Carry You Home

Twelve

Nervously, Stevie bit down on her bottom lip, her hands were shaking. Again and again, she glanced at the telephone in front of her. Kim had gone out to go grocery shopping while she had stayed at home to look after Matthew. The little boy was sleeping in a crib in the living-room after Stevie had just fed him a bottle of baby formular.

She got up and went to get her purse, pulling out a small package of white powder. Sitting down on the couch again, she prepared herself two lines on the coffee table, snorting them with relish seconds later. She cocked back her head and closed her eyes, waiting for the drug to start working.

Feeling way more at ease now, she grabbed the telephone and dialed the number she still knew by heart.

“Hello?“

Stevie closed her eyes, listening to the voice of a woman she had not heard in almost seven months.

“Mom?“

“Stephanie, is that you?“, Barbara asked in surprise.

“It's me.“, she confirmed.

“Oh my God, honey, how are you? For weeks, I've been trying to reach you. You never picked up the phone.“

“That's because I wasn't at home for a while.“, Stevie explained.

“Where have you been? I thought the tour ended about two months ago.“

Stevie sighed. She didn't even know where to begin to explain what had happened in such a short amount of time. It was sad how much she and her mother had managed to drift apart. For years, they had always had such a wonderful and close relationship with each other, now, they seemed like strangers.

“Listen, mom, I just called to tell you that I'm going to get married soon.“

“Oh my God, I didn't know you and Jimmy were that serious! That's amazing, Teedee. I'm so happy for you two.“

Stevie bit down on her bottom lip, willing herself not to cry as she replied, “Mom, Jimmy and I broke up some time ago...“

“Oh...“, Barbara muttered, “I had no idea, honey.“

“Yeah, I know. We didn't have much contact this year.“

There was silence at the other end of the phone for a moment. Stevie could almost hear her mother thinking, knowing that she was trying really hard to not fire back a comment to her daughter's last words.

“Well, it's nice to hear that you met someone else, then.“, Barbara said instead, it was no secret that she wasn't very fond of Stevie's promiscuity, “What's his name?“

“Kim.“

“Kim? That's a nice name. I hope we will get to meet him soon. What does he do for a living?“

“Mom, it's Kim.“, Stevie said with a sigh, “You know him, already.“

“Huh?“

“Kim, Mom. He used to be married to Robin.“

Once again, there was a dead silence. For a moment, Stevie wasn't even sure, if her mother had perhaps hung up on her.

“Have you lost your mind?!“

“Mom..-“

“No!“, Barbara interrupted her daughter's weak attempt resolutely, “Stephanie, you can't be serious! You will not marry Robin's husband.“

“You have no idea what happened.“, Stevie yelled back, “You haven't even seen me in seven months!“

“Well, it seems like you're in an even worse condition now, than you were back then!“

“I shouldn't have called...“, Stevie said and shook her head.

“Don't you fucking dare hang up on me, right now, Stephanie!“, Barbara swore.

Stevie swallowed hard. When her mother used the F-word she was dead serious. The little girl inside of her that still had some respect left for her parents was almost terrified.

“Baby, I know what happened.“, Barbara said, her voice sounded much softer now, hoping to get through to her daughter, “Belva called me. She told me how bad Robin's death was for you. That's why I tried to contact you. Your father and I even got on a plane and drove to your house to see you but nobody opened up the door.“

“I told you I wasn't at home...“, Stevie said weakly, “I stayed at Kim's place and helped him to look after the baby.“

Stevie could hear her mother sigh at the other end of the phone, “Honey, this isn't your responsibility.“

“Yes, it is. Matthew needs a mom.“

“Robin is Matthew's mom, Stevie.“

“Robin is dead.“

Again, there was not a sound to be heard.

“Listen, mom. I'm going to go through with the wedding. You and dad can either support me in this decision or you don't. You're not going to change my mind about this.“

“But Stevie...-“

“No.“, it was Stevie who interrupted her mother this time, “The wedding is in four weeks. I'll inform you about the exact date as soon as it's certain. It would mean a lot to me, if you came.“

These were her last words before Stevie hung up the phone. For a minute, she just sat there in silence, recalling the conversation she'd just had with her mother. Then, the tears started to fall. She brought her knees up to her chest and sobbed. Never in her whole life had she ever felt so hopeless and lonely.

She cried harder and slipped down the couch to the ground, real loud sobs escaping her lips as she pounded her fists into the hard wooden floor until her knuckles started bleeding.

Matthew started to fuss in his crib as he sensed her distress but Stevie just grabbed a pillow to muffle her screams, hoping the little boy would calm down and fall back asleep again.