Carry You Home

Thirteen

The next four weeks went by fast. Stevie had barely time to plan her own wedding. Most of it was arranged by her assistant and a wedding planner. She just sat there and nodded her head absentmindedly to any idea they came up with.

If she was being honest, she didn't really care about any of it at all. She just wanted the whole thing to be over as quick as possible. Kim obviously felt just the same. He had already had a big wedding with Robin about two years ago and wasn't very keen to repeat that type of circus with Stevie.

Before she knew it, she sat in a room having a friend of her doing her make up and hair while her mother made sure her dress was fitting perfectly. Stevie felt as if she was in a daze. Before leaving the house this morning, she had downed half a bottle of brandy, a couple of lines had followed, and if her mother had not been in the same room with her right now, she would have probably smoked a joint to calm her nerves, too.

This was not how she had envisioned her wedding day to go. This was supposed to be the happiest day of her life but she only felt miserable instead. She could hear the people around her whispering. Almost everyone who knew of the wedding, had tried to talk her out of it, claiming it was a big mistake and she'd regret going through with it in the long run.

A knock at the door could be heard and Barbara got up to see who it was.

“Please, do something.“, she whispered to the blonde woman that stepped inside the room, “She won't listen to me.“

Christine nodded with a serious look on her face and made her way to Stevie, sitting down beside her on the couch while Barbara and the make-up artist left them alone.

“You won't talk me out of this, Chris.“, Stevie said without even looking up at her, “I know it's not pretty but it needs to be done.“

Christine shook her head in response. She knew that Stevie was still mourning Robin's death but the web of illusions she had created around herself within the past three months was frightening. The younger woman was actually convinced that marrying her best friend's husband was the right thing to do.

“Love, you're wrong.“, she said softly and took Stevie's hand, “You don't have to marry Kim. I know you must feel as if your whole world has tumbled down but it's going to get easier with time. Believe me.“

Stevie shook her head in response, tears glistening in her eyes, “Kim needs me.“

Christine sighed in exasperation. She was at her wit's end by now. In her eyes, her band mate and dear friend had completely lost her mind.

“Do you love him?“

“I like him. He's...- he's the only one that understands how I feel.“

“Stevie, that's not enough.“

“You loved John when you married him. Now see where that got you!“, Stevie replied slightly agitated. She was so sick of people voicing their opinion on a subject that was none of their business.

“Fine.“, Christine snapped, obviously hurt by Stevie's words, “Go and make the biggest mistake of your life. At least I can say that marrying John wasn't mine!“

A sob escaped Stevie's lips as soon as she heard the door loudly shut behind her friend. She had not meant to offend Christine. She was one of the only people left in her life she actually trusted.

“God, what am I doing?!“, she asked herself before bursting into tears again.