Sex Metal Barbie // lashton

chapter thirty

His skin was running cold, a complete opposite to the usual burning feeling Luke made him feel when he had his hands on him. Was it because he had just taken a pre-prepared dish from the freezer and his fingertips felt like ice from touching the metal? Was it because their bodies had not danced this way in awhile and it felt weird to get back into it so quickly? He doesn't know, but something felt off.

Between leaving gentle kisses on Luke's neck and raking his nails into his back as he rode him like his life depended on it, he felt out of place. Luke's mouth knew no restrictions, running a million miles an hour with words dirty enough that it promised them both a seat in Hell, both for saying it and hearing it. It didn't turn him on the way it used to.

"Daddy," he whined as he rolled his head into Ashton's neck. "- harder. I miss you."

What was there to miss when they spent every day together?

He knew he should say it. The two syllable word rested on his tongue, and if he wanted then he could say it in different languages too. Backwards even, if he could remember just how to pronounce it while Luke's teeth bit into his shoulder.

But he knew Luke wanted this. Couldn't he just let him have it? It was just a little bit longer.

No.

He was getting better. He was communicating. He was treating his anxiety and trauma through mutual understanding. Luke would want him to speak up.

'It's part of healing,' he would tell him. 'Make it a habit to voice your concerns instead of pushing them away.'

But Luke looked like he was thoroughly enjoying himself on his lap, lips bitten raw and swollen and slick glistening on his lower abdomen from where his arousal was unmistakable. How could he stop his boyfriend when he was so clearly close? That's torture.

Ashton wasn't feeling it though. His skin was crawling, though the stimulation was there, the feeling of sex and the joy he got from seeing Luke fucked out wasn't there.

Would he get bored of him if he wasn't in the mood? Luke wasn't like that, was he? After all his talk to help him get better, he wouldn't get mad at his lack of performance in bed, would he?

It's not like their entire relationship started with quick, meaningless sex — oh wait, it did.

It's not like their entire relationship started with Luke throwing himself at him despite him not initially wanting his advances — oh wait, it did.

Maybe he would. Maybe he should wait it out until he was finished, then they could talk. Would Luke be mad then?

He didn't have time to imagine his reaction, because soon two hands were cupping his face and staring into his eyes deeply. "Ash, are-are you okay?" He asked and he snapped out of his head.

"What?" He asked as he looked around. "What happened?"

"Uh..." Luke trailed off. "We-We're having sex?"

Right. That.

"Did you zone out?" Luke gasped and Ashton rubbed his face as he felt the blond's attitude raise. "What can you possibly be thinking about?"

"I-I-"

"- Am I boring you?" Luke asked and Ashton felt his hands curl into fists as he slammed himself down into his lap. Immediately, his large hands went to hold his hips still.

"I love you. God, Luke, I'd probably take a bullet for you if it came down to it," he started as he felt his mood drop. "- I'm just... I'm not in the mood."

"Oh."

He felt bad almost immediately at his deflated tone. "I was trying to think of a way to-to tell you. You know, red, yellow, green, blue, and whatever, but I didn't want to upset you."

"Why would you upset me?" He asked and Ashton felt dumb for even being worried about it in the first place.

"Well... our relationship used to be primarily based around sex so I thought... I don't know. I figured if we went too long without it then-then -"

"- I'd get bored or something?" He finished, and the drummer nodded shamefully.

Luke pressed a kiss against his lips and Ashton hummed, kissing him back with just as much force to try and rid himself of his stupid anxieties. Why couldn't he just be normal? Why did relationships have to be so hard for him? Why did he have to overthink every little thing?

"Ash, don't feel obligated to give me anything." He states as he looked him in the eyes. "I don't own your body."

"You wee enjoying yourself. I wanted you to finish before I said anything."

He rolled his eyes. "I'd day that's sweet, but now I feel like the bad guy for making you do something you didn't want to do. See where not talking about things, gets us?"

He nodded pitifully and then pressed a kiss against Luke's collarbone gently. "I'm sorry. I'm working on it, really. It's just hard. I'm not used to this."

"I know." He threaded his fingers through Ashton's hair soothingly while scratching his scalp gently. "Listen, you got this. I believe in you."

Ashton wrapped a fist around the member that was trapped between their stomachs and his boyfriend's eyes widened. "What are you -"

"- Let me get you off. Maybe I don't want to fuck, but I do want to watch you get off. You deserve it." He hummed and Luke tilted his head back. "You're so good to me, so good for me."

"You don't-don't have -"

"- Shh. It's okay. I want to do this, for me and for you." He cut him off as his thumb cleaned the pearly bead his boyfriend released.

His boyfriend's body shook, fingers digging into his bicep as he let out a low moan of his name. It was rewarding to watch him reduced to nothing but a boneless putty because of him, and the bragging rights he got to breaking down the enigma that was Luke Hemmings was a great satisfaction in itself. He didn't need to hold him down, bruise his skin, or break the bed to make him fall apart for him. Luke offered himself regardless.

"I'm close."

"It's okay, baby. Let go." He encouraged, and this felt like the most intimate moment in all their relationship.

It wasn't driven by lust. It wasn't clouded with unclear emotions. It wasn't blurry with tears.

It was just two adults, trusting one another, and helping one another. It was vanilla, but it was perfect, especially when ropes of hot white bled through his fist and a whimpered moan of his name flooded the room.

"I love you." Luke panted as he held on to the musician, fingers clinging to him and his breath falling uneven in his ear.

Ashton smiled. "I love you too," he returned, "- now let's shower. We're gross."

Luke was feeling lazy, but that's okay. Ashton was more than strong enough to carry his body to the shower, and he was more than willing to just enjoy his company without the need for anything deeper than just washing one another.

Perhaps their relationship really did start off on the wrong foot. Is this what Luke had intended before when all he wanted was a quick fuck? He regrets not having this connection sooner, who knows what kind of troubles it would have saved the both of them.