Sex Metal Barbie // lashton

chapter thirty-two

Ashton smiled as he wrapped his arms around Luke, eyes heavy and body exhausted from running on little sleep and caffeine he's already burned off hours ago. His hum was low, steady, a sleepy sound that made his boyfriend chuckle and turn his head.

"Go to sleep if you're so tired."

"I wanna be with you though." He replied as he watched him wash the dishes. "My dishwasher works jus' fine."

"I needed something to do. I feel useless around here." He weakly defended himself with a sigh. "I don't have a shoot to help with for a week, and I got offers from some familiar faces to be their pastry chef but I don't want to bake."

Ashton could sense that wasn't all he had to say, so he rested his chin in his shoulder and hummed. "What else is bothering you, baby?"

"My parents called." He muttered almost bitterly. "They want me to go back home because they're convinced I'm not doing anything great with my life. I came here for college, but you know where that ended up. If I don't get a job or get something bigger going for me, they want me back in Sydney."

Ashton felt his bones chill at the thought of Luke leaving him, and he watched his boyfriend's hands they ran a lathered sponge over a plate. He couldn't imagine waking up and not seeing his face right beside him, or sitting down for coffee without having already made a cup with two teaspoons of creamer.

"You aren't planning on going back... are you?" He asked and Luke turned to look at him. "You're twenty-one. You don't have to listen."

"Where do you think my income comes from since I don't have a job?" He asked and Ashton chewed on the inside of his lip.

"Babe, I can support you -"

"- I am not letting you pay for everything. Are you out if your mind?" He immediately cut him off. "You left your family for this money. You built your brand from the ground up. I'm not letting you spend it on two when only one worked for it."

"I don't mind -"

"No, that's final." Luke decided and the drummer sighed. "I can figure this out. I just have to network around and hopefully show many parents I'm making something of myself."

"We can figure this out. I'm here for you." Ashton reminded him and Luke smiled softly. "Just tell me what to do. I can help you."

"I love you. You're just too sweet." He raised a wet hand to his cheek before kissing him. "God, what did I do to deserve you?"

"I should be asking that, not you." Ashton rolled his eyes as he pulled away from him. "I also have something to tell you."

He hummed as he went back to washing the dishes, and was mentally glad that he was almost finished. "I saw Ryan today."

Luke stopped, his soapy hands holding the glass in the air as he processed his words. "You... saw him today? What happened?"

"I went to get coffee before meeting with Calum and he was in front of me." He recalled as he began picking the wet dishes from the dish washer and drying them with a towel. "I sat down at his table and talked to him."

"About..." He trailed off.

"Why." He shrugged nonchalantly. "I asked him why he did what he did and apologized."

Luke turned around quickly, eyebrows furrowed and lips pulled taut. "Apologized? For what? You said you didn't do anything to him and he was just lying."

"You didn't know how I was to him. I was horrible." Ashton shivered as he remembered all the days he'd decline his calls or leave his messages on read.

"You didn't actually..."

Ashton felt his blood run cold as Luke's accusation coursed through his head, and he took a step back from him as it hit like a punch to the gut. The plate from his fingers slipped from his grasp and it clashed on to the tile floor with a loud crash, immediately shattering into uneven pieces of ceramic everywhere. They stared at each other unsurely, and the uncertainty in Luke's eyes nearly made Ashton tear up.

Did he really think that lowly of him still? After all they went through, all they did to prove themselves to one another, did he still believe he could be capable of hurting someone like that?

"- you think I hit him?" He asked quietly as the faucet filled the unnerving silence. "You think I made him have sex with me?"

"Ash..."

"No," he shook his head as he stepped back. "- what-what makes you think I could do something like that? You told me you didn't believe them. You told me it didn't matter. Do you... Do you think about it?"

"I'm sorry."

Ashton crossed his arms over his chest, hugging himself to try and soothe the uneasy feeling he had in his stomach. "You think about it. It scares you, doesn't it? You think I would... that I could... to you?"

"No, it's not like that."

Ashton stepped away from him as he felt tears pool in his eyes, and for once he wasn't afraid to let Luke see them. He wasn't afraid to let him see what he's learned from his best friends made him most human. His hurt felt like a deep pool in his chest, and even though a small part of his head was telling him to hear Luke out, the part he's worked to built, but the bigger part, the one he's always known was telling him Luke's always believed the accusations were real.

"Ashton, please," he tried but the musician dodged his outstretched hand. "- it came out the wrong way."

"Wrong way?" He choked out as he slowly stepped away. "How is there a right way to that? You think I'd hurt you. You thought I hurt him."

Luke sighed. "You are rough -"

He slammed a hand over his mouth as he heard his boyfriend agree with the thousands and thousands of people who pointed out just how easily he could hurt someone. He was always so careful with people. Just because he worked out it meant he looked like would hit someone when he was angels? Just because he had specific kinks meant he would force someone if they didn't want to? It didn't make sense. Nothing made sense.

How could he?

"I'm sorry. It's just when we were first together you were rough with me and those pictures... it definitely floated around my head in the beginning, but then I got to know you! I don't think that now. Ashton, please, you have to believe me." He begged but all Ashton could think about was Luke thought he was a monster.

"I love you. I know you wouldn't hurt me, and I know now that it was just rumors. You know I don't believe them. Just listen -"

"- I-I think I need to go." He said as he felt his stomach drop. "I'm going. Don't wait up for me."

"Ashton..." He called but the adult walked out before he could get him. "I didn't mean it like that. You're wonderful, and kind, and caring, and I know you wouldn't -"

Ashton slammed the door behind him before walking to the elevator, his shaky hands reaching for his phone so he could call someone to stay over for a bit. Maybe he should have kicked Luke out, it was his loft after all, but how could he when his roommate already found someone else and Luke didn't have many people to turn to? He needed the house more than he did anyways.

"Hey, Cal?" He sniffled as he saw the elevator close. "I need to stay over for a couple nights. Come pick me up? I'll explain later."

"Yeah, mate. I'm on my way."