Benefits

Ch. 85: Used To Love You

Used To Love You- Gwen Stefani

I don't know why I cry, but I think it's 'cause I remembered for the first time, since I hated you, that I used to love you.

-

Jake P.O.V.

My biggest regret is lying to Dawn. I promised I never would do such a thing again, yet I did so easily that I almost believed myself when I spoke the false words. Though in some way, I want to be away from her. I'm kind of glad she wants the same. It'll give me more time and leverage to hold in my lie. I know myself well enough to understand that she will continue to pry, and I won't hold it in any longer.

Dawson is currently at the hospital in a coma. We called the police, and we left him there to rot. I don't feel bad for him, but I understand that I was wrong. I went too far because my anger built up with no boundaries. When he wakes... I'm fucked.

He'll spill his guts to the police, and I'm done for. I don't know how I feel about the possibility of going to jail, but that doesn't sit well with me.

I did if for them. For Dawn and Serena, and I don't know how either of them will feel when I reveal the truth.

I've risked everything, and I at this point I'm thinking, how am I going to get through this with Ledger still above my head. Have a screwed myself once again?

I feel like I'm on eggshells with Dawn at all times, and I hate that feeling. One misstep, one mistake, and she'll break my heart with four word. 'I want to breakup.' At this point I've done many missteps.

Especially with the two guys from work. We all started the same time at the grocery store, and to be honest, I only stick with them so they can cover my shifts when I can't make the shift. I wouldn't be surprised if my boss will let me go.

It wasn't a big deal to me if they knew about Dawn or not because they're not important, but in Dawn's eyes it's as if I hadn't thought of her to tell to my friends. I think about her every possible second of the day. She's a consistent reminder that I want to be better for her, but with Dawson in the hospital it's hard to feel that I am being better.

After school ends, I head straight to Martinez's place. It's pretty empty today, and that could be because of the storm that's happening outside. No excuses. I need to let out some steam especially with all this pent up rage that instills me.

But of the course the infamous Serena Lopez is sitting on the bench in the changing room. I almost thinks she's waiting for me when I enter.

Her eyes are darkened by sleepy eye bags, but I can't feel too bad considering I'm still pissed about what happened with her and Dawn. Even though Dawn told me she started it, Marcus told me Serena pushed her first, so really they both started it in a certain way. Serena pushed her first... Dawn just attacked her first.

"Hey amante." Her voice weak.

"Stop calling me that." I have no conviction in my voice because I'm tired of this back and fourth, "I am not yours." I begin to pull out some gym clothes and setting them on the bench that is next to her.

"You will always be mine in my heart." She murmurs.

I look back to Serena, and her face falls to
her thighs. Something's off with her, and maybe it's the fact that I've known her for so long that I know it won't be easy to pry unless I give her the attention. Though I hate her guts half the time, the image of Serena with her hair in her natural curls, and thick brimmed glasses flashes in place of her now weak curls that are damaged of her straightening it last year and her now eyes covered in contacts. She was always so embarrassed of her hair because it was always tangled. I thought it was cute, even when we were just friends. The best of friends.