Benefits

Ch. 89: Mirrors

Mirrors- Justin Timberlake

"'Cause I don't wanna lose you now. I'm looking right at the other half of me. The vacancy that sat in my heart. Is a space that now you hold. Show me how to fight for now. And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy coming back into you once I figured it out. You were right here all along."

-

Jake P.O.V.

I'm on the edge. I know I am. She's with him. Leaving with him has caused me physical and mental pain. I black out most of the time when I'm angry. I need to control my anger more, or she'll never want me.

She doesn't want me. If she wanted me, she would of left with ME, not him. I knew I should of never trusted Martinez with having Marcus watching over her. Of course he's into her, she's beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

My phone buzzes off as I drive aimlessly around town. I don't know where I'm going, and I kind of don't care.

I answer without looking at the phone, and I hope it's Dawn.

"I'm surprised you answered with the way you ran out the door like that." Serena says through my phone. Shit. I can't handle her right now. I can't handle myself really.

Why did I kiss her back? I'll blame it all on the lack of affections I've yearned for Dawn, but it doesn't dispel my hypocritical actions of Dawn doing the exact same thing. I lashed out, and Dawn didn't. I mean she doesn't know about the apparent kiss, but I have to tell her soon. If there is even an us after what I did to her.

"What do you want?"

"Why'd you kiss me?" Her voice small and so unlike her.

"You kissed me first."

"You and I both know you leaned in halfway. You could of stopped me like before, but instead you pushed on." I stay silent at her true words, "You can't deny on what you feel Jake."

"What do you want me to do Serena?" I whine, "I'm telling you honestly I don't feel anything. You don't listen."

"I want you to be honest with yourself and me. I want you to kiss me and not think of Dawn. Then we'll both know if it's real. Because how you kissed me today wasn't you. You weren't there. I could feel it."

"It's not fair to you if I go and kiss you. It's not fair for her either."

"One more kiss Jake, and I'll leave you alone. I swear of it. I'll never bother you again. I'll never bring up the past. I promise." She nearly cries over the phone.

What am I to do? Dawn dismissed me, and a girl that I used to be in love with wants me. She still wants me with all these years separated. Should I still give her the chance? What if I'm making a mistake waiting around for Dawn? What if it's a waste of time?

How could you think that? She's everything I've dreamed of and more, but Serena's making me second guess everything at this moment, and I can feel myself drive towards her neighborhood without even thinking. Is this logical? What would Dawn think if she were to know what I was doing? Would she hate me?

No she doesn't care. She left with Marcus, she told you she was afraid of you. Why would she want to be with someone that she is afraid of?

"I'm five minutes away." I say solemnly.

"Okay." I can hear her smile a mile away. I end the call shortly after.