Benefits

Ch. 90: Kiss Me

Kiss Me- Ed Sheeran

"Kiss me like you wanna be loved. You wanna be loved. You wanna be loved. This feels like falling in love. Falling in love. We're falling in love."

-

Making love after a long time is breath taking. Touching finger tips across the chest, stolen kisses in the dark, the moans that are loud echo the walls, the movement above you, the creak of the bed.

It's like everything you've felt before but more softer. More slower because you're savory every last touch. His hands play at your waist, which causes laughter to sneak out of your mouth.

Sex isn't about being sexy, sex is being the most vulnerable you can with another person you love most in the world. We've never been this careful with one another.

But there's still this underlying of pressure between us. The roughness is always present and never vacant to his touch.

But instead of going harder and faster, it's softer and residual. Jake's lips touch everywhere across my body that he hasn't in a while. Savory every speckle, every crease, every touch; it's been pressed with his fingers that dig into my hips.

I love you's are sung in the air more times than I can remember. Instead of moaning out 'faster, harder' it's, 'I love you with all my heart'.

And it may sound cheesy, but it's what's in the moment. When we finally release, I'm able to relax with him in a way we only know how. With my head rested on his chest, and his index finger swirling on my back. I trace aimless lines across his tatted up chest. This is my peace, laying right next to him in a bliss of just me and him.

"What are you think about?" He twirls my hairs between his fingers, looking down at my blank face.

"You." I say, looking back up at him.

"What about me?" He chuckles, squeezing me closer into his side.

I dig my chin into his chest and look up shyly to his broad smile. He's so much happier and more beautiful than I've ever seen him before, but I can tell his sleep patterns have changed, to say the least. His under bags have increased, and his eyes are currently in slits. He's still so beautiful though.

My smile of admirations of his face drops because it's time to get serious. I want this out in the open as soon as possible because this is it. I don't expect us to end things ever again because if it does, I don't think I can come back from it. I was so broken, so lost without him in these past few weeks; I can't imagine being without him now. He can't take back the words he said last night. If he were to, then I'd go insane.

"I never apologized for my wrong doings of our first attempt at our relationship." My voice quiet.

"Dawn-" I put my index finger to his swollen lips from my attack on them earlier.

"No. I was wrong too. Don't give me excuses from my own insecure jealousy. It wasn't Serena's fault that she was still in love with you. Fuck, I don't even blame her." I sit up now; more closer to study his eyes, "I should of trusted you.. from the start. That you only were in love with me, but I guess I was blinded by the hate, and I didn't mean to end things with you so blindly."

"I should of fought for you harder." He says.

"I would of pulled back more. You don't know. I can't imagine you seeing me with someone else." I glance down at my sheets that are wrapped around us. Just a few hours ago, I was sitting on these sheets with another boy. Kissing another boy. "I'm sorry that you did."