One More Time... || Trayce Thompson

Seven

Danielle -November 2018

Band went better today, so I'm relieved that my instructor yelled at the first and second chair clarinets instead of me, even though I made the mistake. The concert is getting closer, and I cannot wait to perform it. We sound amazing! Just wait until we put it together with the actual professionals... that's gonna be a showstopper.

Things with Trayce and I are still rocky, and uncertain. We've talked for the first time in 3 days, and I think it's time to squash this. I'm tired of fighting. I hate it, and it's affecting me to the point where it's starting to trigger my anxiety, plus on top of all of the stress that I've endured. I think it's time to sit down and talk and tell him how I really feel. Hopefully, we can settle this once and for all.

I told him I'd call him when I'd get home from the after school rehearsal we had, and I'm actually kind of nervous how this is going to turn out. I clicked on his name and anxiously waited before his face appeared on my screen.

"Hi." I smiled.

"How are you?"

"I'm good! How are you?"

"I'm good." He smiled. "How was your day?"

"It was good! The music for band is starting to come together. We sound amazing."

"That's good! I'm glad to hear."

I paused and smiled for a second. "Can I talk to you? I just have a few things I need to get off my chest."

"Okay." He nodded.

"I miss you... so damn much. You have no idea. I miss hearing your voice, and your smile and everything. I miss talking to you. All I ask... please, is to have more time for me. It doesn't have to be a lot, but a sliver of your time. That's all I ask..."

He huffed. "Don't do this right now."

"Don't do what?"

"You know how much I have going on right now. I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. I'm tired, and I really don't feel like arguing right now."

"I don't even want to start an argument. I just thought that—"

"By the time I get home, I'm tired. The pain is excruciating, I just need time to myself sometimes, Danielle."

"I understand that. But I haven't spoken or communicated with you for what seems like a lifetime. I'm at a place right now where I need you." I choked out as a few tears escaped my eyes.

"Oh here we go. Again with the water works. Stop crying, you're just doing it to get my attention."

"I'm not! I'm not doing it for the attention! I just miss you so much, and I miss talking to you. And I miss how happy we were when we first met. Something's gotta change, Trayce. I want my best friend back. I miss my partner in crime. I want the person I fell in love with back." More tears escaped my eyes, as I was becoming more upset.

He shook his head and rolled his eyes. "I don't have time for the water works right now. I'm too tired to deal with this right now. Let me know when you grow up so we can have an adult conversation."

Beep. Beep. Beep.

And just like that, he was gone. He hung up on me. I hugged my legs as I put my head in my knees, and started sobbing. My world, my love, gone.

I picked up my phone and stared at our conversation from earlier. He'd left me on read.

"You know what? Why don't we just break up then?" I began to writeMy thumb hovered over the send button for a good 3 minutes, then finally erasing everything that was in the message bar, before locking my phone. I stared at the floor, and broke down again to the point where my breathing hitched.

"Why is this happening to me? I didn't do anything wrong!" I sobbed as I rolled over on my side, and let it all out. I gazed out my pitch black window, and saw the moon right outside my window, along with a small star next to it.

"Dad, Grampie... I don't know what to do. I've never been this heartbroken before. I'm scared that I've lost the love of my life, forever..." 

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Trayce -November 2018

"How are you and the girlfriend doing?" Ward asked as he noticed me sitting in my locker all myself.

"We got into another big fight last night. It was a bad one. She was telling me how much she misses me, and how I don't have time for her anymore... and she started crying. I was already in a pissy mood, and I couldn't deal with the tears. I almost told her that we should just break up, but I stopped myself, and hung up. I feel awful, man. I promised her the world, and this is what I give her. I promised to love and cherish her with all of my heart and to never ever make her cry. I'm an awful boyfriend, and an asshole." I lowered my head and exhaled deeply. "I wish I could take everything I said back."

"I know you do. You were in the heat in the moment, and your raw emotions came out as a reaction. She's hurt, Trayce. All she wanted was to talk to you. That's all she wanted. She just wanted a piece of your time and attention, so she knows that she still matters to you. She's not doing it to be an attention seeker. She's in a fragile state right now, and truly is hurt and needs reassurance."

"I know." I shook my head. "She probably wants to break up with me, I know it."

"I doubt it. She's probably hurt, and frustrated as you are as well. Listen Trayce. You're a great guy, and I want the best for you. Give her a few days for the both of you to cool off, then really sit down and talk about it, like I told you to do before. If you really love her, prove it to her."

I nodded and took a deep breath in.

"Everything's gonna work out." He said as he patted me on the shoulder.

I've been a real jerk to her. I don't deserve her at all. She deserves to be loved the right way, and I broke all of those promises to her.