Amentia - K.NJ.

Fourteen

"Seokjin said you needed me."

I looked up from my lap on the bed, seeing Namjoon at the door. He had a soft look in his eyes, obviously knowing that I wasn't alright. He looked a bit disheveled like me, bags under his eyes to radiate sleep deprivation. Just seeing him standing there made me want to cry. With no one around, I felt like we were on our own like when we were younger. It almost felt empty but he was by my side the whole way to comfort me.

"His dumbass thought I needed someone to talk to," I said, giving a halfhearted laugh as it sounded slightly choked up. I felt a tear suddenly slide down my cheek. I reached up, wiping it away swiftly. "I-I really don't."

Namjoon walked over to his side of the bed, sliding onto the sheets. He turned to me, his eyes going sad. He saw my pain all of a sudden. "Y/N . . . "

"I-I'm completely fine!" I exclaimed, my voice becoming more and more choked up. I bit down on my lip for a second to keep in a sob, then released it when I knew it disappeared. "I told him I was fine. I said I was. I really am, Joon. I really really . . . "

Namjoon reached his hand over to mine, grabbing it gently. He pulled me towards him like he was beckoning me in a way. I listened, sliding over to him. He started to gather me up into his arms and slide me onto his lap as I placed the side of my face on his chest. I felt tears start to come down faster and faster as this happened.

When I was snuggled into him, one of his hands placed itself on the side of my head to pet my hair as he rocked me gently. I forgot this was how caring and how sweet he was. I felt like this hadn't happened in a long time. I missed this completely.

"They told me all about Insu," he said quietly. His chest hummed as he spoke, the room dead silent besides him and my now jagged breathing. "I know this wasn't what you wanted. I know how he reacted wasn't your ideal plan. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help. I should have. I really should have been there so you wouldn't have to go through that."

"I-I haven't seen Insu since then," I muttered, pressing myself more into Namjoon. I was trying not to sob. "I feel like I failed him. I feel like I should run to him and tell him I'm sorry a million times. I just feel so bad. I can't imagine how much this turned his life around. Jinkyong is totally unfazed about this but Insu is. I'm so confused."

"Jinkyong is still our little girl," Namjoon said, his hand starting to pet my hair. He placed the bottom of his cheek against my forehead gently. "She's still so innocent and so naive. She's not as mature as Insu. Insu has a knack for maturity and understanding the world around him. He also has a good heart. It's because he cares for you and Jinkyong so much. He wants to keep you two safe. He does this when I'm not around. He's told me this numerous times."

"And now he feels like he's failed himself."

"It seems like it," Namjoon continued. "Taehyung said he blamed you. Insu would never do that intentionally. He was just angry in the moment, unable to understand what was happening. This isn't your fault. Not one bit. Trust me. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine."

I pulled my head away from Namjoon's chest, meeting his eyes with mine. Our faces were so close, my tear-stained one with his sorrow-filled one. I felt my heart skitter a little at the proximity. "Joon . . . This isn't your fault."

Namjoon gave me a sad smile, his hand slightly burying into my hair. His eyes drifted around my face. "I never meant for us to go into this business. I put all of us in a danger we can't escape. Poisoning our children's minds with these acts we do is my fault. I couldn't stabilize our family. I brought us into this mess."

"No," I shook my head, "that's not true. We did this to ourselves. We made the decision. You don't get the full blame. We made this decision right out of high school. We had no where else to go. We made what was the best choice at the time."

"And it will continue to be," he said, a spark of happiness lighting in his eyes. I melted a bit at it, feeling a ping of relaxation inside me. "We just have to have faith. Jinkyong loves Taehyung. Insu is thriving with apprenticeship. The guys and us are a big family that will do anything for each other. Even though we may kill people and such, we still live with our best choice with our best lives. We have our power and our happiness to keep us fueled."

"You're right," I murmured, reaching my arms around Namjoon's neck gently. "We're still in a good place. We just need to get over this bump."

"I'm so inspirational."

I gave a small laugh, giving a little sigh after. I smiled at him, feeling a genuine amount of happiness course through me. "You really are, Ring Leader."

He smiled back at me, his face soft and unlike how he looked when he was working. He was relaxed and at home, something like when we were still kids and having our fun until life had plummeted for a short while. "I still remember our first show and seeing you up there about to perform. You were stunning yet I was scared because I thought you were going to break your neck."

I smiled a bit bigger this time. "Oh really? I barely knew Taehyung then and his acting literally looked like he was about to rip your head off. And this was before I performed and up on that ledge in front of all those people. My anxiety was so high at that point."

Namjoon gave a laugh, sounding so familiar but it was so unused that I could barely remember the sound until it came out. It made me joyous to hear it. "My anxiety was high when you even stepped out of that damn dressing room. Seeing my beautiful wife looking even more gorgeous than usual about to go in front of hundreds of people made scared. I wanted you all to myself then."

"Oh, shut up."

Namjoon reached over, placing his lips softly against mine for a short minute. Once he did, I gave a soft sigh, feeling my body relax. There wasn't many moments like this anymore, but when there was, I took the opportunity immediately. Our lives were too hectic for these moments of time, two kids, five adults to look after, hostages sitting in a trailer, always being hunted, giving performances, it always brought havoc and fear upon us to where there was never any moments like this.

Namjoon pulled away after a moment, our faces only a couple inches apart. I felt myself smiling widely, finding all my joy bundled up inside me. I missed this. "Do you think they'll miss us for a bit?"

I gave a little hum, seeming to think on it, but I automatically knew the answer. "I think the guys can handle everything. It's just for a little while."

Namjoon laughed, pressing his forehead against mine. His arms wrapped around me completely, starting to pull me against him. "My bet is on Yoongi or Seokjin keeping them all in check."

"Mine is on Tae," I responded, running one of my hands through his hair. "He's the only one that can handle Jinkyong."

"Smart girl."

"Who did you think you married?" I said, holding in a small laugh that wanted to escape.

"I thought I married a smart, independent woman that is too gorgeous to where I have to keep her close to me along with her beautiful children."

"Nice save, and just to let you know, those are our children."

"Really?" he said, a hint of teasing in his voice. "They look too much like their mother."

"Just shut up already." I leaned in for a kiss again, feeling him meet me in the middle. This is what I had been wanting and I never even knew it.