Amentia - K.NJ.

Twenty-Nine

"You ready?"

I bit down on my lip as I looked up at Yoongi, nodding my head for him to continue. My stomach felt like it was throbbing in my torso, a jittering flutter to it. I didn't like it in the least bit.

My eyes were heavy from barely any sleep, my stomach feeling sour to where I didn't want to eat. I almost felt gross in a way, like something on me wasn't right. The kids had kept me up all night, Jinkyong crying and fussing for an hour or two before passing out. Insu had fallen plainly asleep, but I stayed up, too worried and scared to close my eyes once.

Now, Yoongi had let me come to see what was going on while Namjoon looked after the two kids. Namjoon had looked shaken up from the night, but he never muttered a word to me and instead crawled into bed with the kids while telling me I could go. I wanted to ask what the damage was, but not in front of the kids.

With Yoongi opening the door, I held my breath for the moment that exposed the inside of the trailer.

I stepped in the chilling place, the only light a faded lamp off in the corner. Despite the usual and comforting decor that lined his walls, Taehyung's trailer seemed dark and depressing, dreary and uncomfortable. It was almost like a hospital, which shook me to the core, not liking the analogy at all.

Taehyung was on his couch, his body shuddering. He looked paler than ever, his eyes closed to shut out the world. A blanket was pulled over him, which made him look like a small, helpless child; he looked the same of when we had first found him years ago, no where to go and no one to run to when he needed it the most.

A sudden thing came over my mind, myself wiping the normal image of Taehyung out of my head, almost throwing away his smile and happiness. All I could see was his translucent skin with his blood vessels showing with the different colored eyes, the freakshow being thrown into my face. It suddenly felt like this was no longer Taehyung and now a new, different person.

"Tae," I murmured, taking some steps to make my way over to him, but Yoongi's hand landed on my shoulder, stopping me from continuing. 

"Leave him be," Yoongi told me gently, drawing me back a little. "It took us hours to get him calmed down. Plus, I don't want you getting hurt."

"What happened?" I asked, turning my head to look at Yoongi. Sadness radiated off the both of us, making the place even more depressing. It was starting to feel even more uncomfortable, my stomach turning sourer. 

"He broke," Yoongi murmured, his eyes peering back over to Taehyung while his hand that was on my shoulder falling to his side. "He hadn't gotten enough sleep lately and he's been under so much stress that he just snapped. I found him in the tent, hitting one of the poles repeatedly with a large stick he found outside. He tried to hurt me with it, so that's when I got Namjoon. He's been struggling and not cooperating, but we finally got him to settle down."

"Did you talk to him at all? Like, ask him what was wrong?" I questioned. My eyes weren't able to be torn away from Taehyung's sleeping body. My motherly instinct was kicking in.

"We couldn't get a coherente answer out of him," Yoongi sighed. "He was too out of it to even process who we were."

I raised my non-injured hand to my mouth, tapping my cold fingertips against my bottom lip for a second. With my injured one, I clasped it around my stomach in my sweatshirt pocket. "What do we do with him?"

"For one, he needs rest," Yoongi pointed out, waving a hand to Taehyung's sleeping body. "He won't be able to think straight if he doesn't have the sleep he needs. Two, I think he needs to see a psychologist if possible. He needs to get these feelings out somehow rather than going insane."

"I can't believe this happened," I whispered, pulling my hand up my face and pushing back my messy hair. "It's like everything is falling apart around us. How can so much happen in such little time?"

A dry laugh escaped Yoongi, no humor in it whatsoever. It was quiet, it barely making it into the room. "We're all one screwed up family, let me tell you."

"Now what?" I shrugged, looking over to Yoongi. "Since some of us are going insane and I'm pregnant and the kids know about the main idea of why we're a circus, what should we do?"

"I guess we go on our merry ways," Yoongi said, nodding towards the door of Taehyung's trailer. "Let's walk outside so we don't disturb Taehyung."

Yoongi and I slipped back out of Taehyung's trailer, the cold air instantly seeping into my warm pajamas. I shoved both of my cold hands into my sweatshirt pocket to hide from the chill, steam escaping my soft breaths. Yoongi had the same steam swirling out of his mouth, him looking back for a second at Taehyung's trailer like he was waiting for something to happen.

Yoongi and I started to walk across the frosty grass, the sun just peeking through the trees. Yoongi sighed quietly, proceeding to say, "This off-season is going to be interesting for all of us."

"I'm guessing I'm going to have to stay out of the spotlight when our tour comes around again," I said, my voice having a disappointed ring to it. "I'm not a fan of that."

"You'll be okay," Yoongi reassured me, placing a hand on my shoulder and giving it a small squeeze. "You'll be back by the season after this one."

"There's so many fears I have inside my head," I groaned, pressing a hand against my forehead. I could feel a headache coming. The sleep deprivation was taking a toll one me. "What kind of world will the baby live in? How will I keep the kids safe from Jungkook? I've also been worried about Insu in particular . . ."

"Why?"

"He . . ." I trailed off for a moment, memories flickering through my brain. "I've noticed he's not as much of a showman like the rest of us. He's so different from us and so damn smart that I don't think he's not meant for the show we have. And when those two men broke in . . . one of him called him weak. I mean . . ."

Yoongi's hand dropped off my shoulder, his head slowly bobbing up and down like he was processing my words. "I see where you're coming from. Maybe when he grows older, he can pick up a job that doesn't involve show business. Maybe something behind the scenes. You never know."

I stopped through my trudge on the ice-covered grass and turned to face Yoongi. He stopped along with me, his eyebrows furrowing together. My stomach was dropping as I said, "I hate to say this, but I don't think he's cut out for this life. I don't think this was what he was meant to do. He deserves a better opportunity at things."

"You should discuss this with Namjoon," Yoongi pointed out, crossing his arms over his chest. "If you're this worried about Insu's future, you need to talk with your husband about the matter. You guys can make a decision about what's happening. I can't do anything."

"I'll talk with Joon," I breathed, my voice coming out quiet, almost fading into the still air. "Please, just don't discuss this with anyone, especially Insu. I know you two are close with your acts, so just keep an eye on him. I can't have anything happen to him."

Yoongi nodded. "Of course. I don't think he'll cause much trouble, though. He's a good kid."

"I don't mean it like that. I need you to tell me if anything changes in his behavior," I corrected myself. "With how much stress that's been added onto each situation at hand, I need you to help out. I can read Jinkyong easily, but I feel like I need help reading how Insu is feeling."

"I got your back," Yoongi reassured, a small smile crossing his lips. "Now, go rest. I can see the bags under your eyes getting heavier and heavier."

I laughed a little. I took a step towards Yoongi and wrapped my arms around him for a hug, a sigh escaping me. Yoongi's arms circled around me, it a tight squeeze. I could feel some of my tension leave my body, the comfort something that I needed. 

"Thank you," I murmured to him.

He pulled us away from each other, a smile forming on his lips for me. His nose and cheeks were growing rosy from the cold. "You're welcome. Now, go get some sleep. We have things to do today."