My broken life

Diana's P.O.V

I drove to town today, hair up in a bun, lipstick a dark shade of red. I strapped Lana into the back seat, cursing when i couldnt fasten her in.
"Im sorry honey.." i whispered for no other reason than to just get it out there. So god knew. Im sitting in the car now, watching Lanas big blue eyes close. I breathe a sigh of relief, feeling tears blur my sight. Its all too much. I dig my nails into my palm, wanting to scream and yell. I look disgusting. I look terrible. And im a terrible mother. I always try to stay protected during sex but sometimes i forget. So does the guy. I wish i could be better for Lana, im determined to be better. It runs in my blood. My phone starts ringing and i quickly glance over at Lana, but shes fast asleep. I pick it up, seeing dad flash up on the screen. For a second i feel like he knows, but theres no way he could ever find out.
I answer and hear my dad breathing heavily on the other end.
"Dad?" I say.
"Sweetheart, come round to mine at 6. Bring Nova and Anna. I wanna talk. As a family. I wont take no as an answer." And then he ends the call.
And the only thing that pisses me off is that he didnt mention Lana. Hes never been there for her, ever! What a dad. Bloody useless.
Nova isnt though. Shes helped me so much and i want all but the best for her. I look up at my dash board, smiling for the first time in a while. Lana starts mewing and my smile broadens. This is it. Im going to be a better mother. I have Lana and this little..darling..inside of me. Change is necessary . And i need to be a better sister.
"So my beautiful Lana, shall we go give Nova her present? Or shall i say..presents?" Lana claps her hands in response.
"Alright, off we go." I pull out of the parking lot, feeling better than i have done in ages.
I walk in the front door, noting we have 4 hours before Nova comes back.
"Hey La la, think we can do it?" She beams up at me.
"Mama." She says, arms reaching for me. I pick her up and place her in the baby carrier.
I grab for the brush and dip it into the black paint pot. Then i start painting the walls of Novas room.

I admire my work. Im actually pretty proud of it.
Ive bought a new bed with white covers and big white cushions to match. I Have put up a pin board and pinned on loads of photos of our family times together. I even sneakily added a couple of photos of Robin and Nova together. I wasnt stupid, i saw the convos she had with him, read them over her shoulder. I bought a new cupboard and a bookshelf, neatly rearranging her books. Her homework is piled up onto her desk with a dozen different coloured pens. Then i took out the little black box i had in my pocket. I put it on her bed with a letter telling her how much i loved her.
Lana giggled and i kissed her big rosy cheeks.
"Come on baby, its time for your nap."
Id get Lana to bed, have a shower, do my hair and makeup, get dressed and then text Anna and Nova to come home.
Suddenly a thought flashed in my mind. I rushed down the stairs and grabbed the two parcels on the table then ran back up stairs, taking them two at a time and dropped the parcels on Novas bed.