Meeting Ophelia (Now on Radish)

Chapter 6

I walked into school that Monday with my arms wrapped around myself. I felt so ashamed of myself. I promised him I wouldn't cut, and yet, when the cool metal dragged across the skin on my hips, I felt relieved. Like when an alcoholic has their first sip in the morning, or when a druggie takes a hit from their stash. It's a coping mechanism for me. I cut for the first time since meeting Bram Stoker Stomes.  I felt like I've betrayed his trust, and he doesn't know it.

I passed my locker and went over to Mary's, who was standing right in front of it, lip locked with my brother.

"Ahem." I said, making the two move apart. "Way to kill the mood." Val muttered. I snorted and shook my head.

"No, Val, she's not." Carol said, pushing my brother away. "Are you okay, Fee?" I shook my head and squeezed my arms tighter around myself.

"Fee, what did you do?" Val asked as he put his arms around me. "I cut." I whispered, throwing my arms around him. He just held me, and Carol joined in too. I love these two, I really do, but I wanted Bram right now. I needed to talk to him, or for him to just talk to me.

"Where's Bram?" I whispered to Val.

"I dunno. I haven't seen him this morning." Val said in my ear. "Why do you need to see him?"

"I need him, Val. I need to talk to him." I whispered. "Why?" He asked again.

"He knows my pain, Val." I whispered. Val kissed my forehead with a sigh.

"Carol, stay with her, please." Val said. As soon as Val turned the corner, I slid to the floor and held myself. I was so pathetic. I can't even stay happy for one freaking moment. Maybe it's best if I just... no. I should stop thinking like that. But I can't. My depression has gotten out of hand. I can't feel anymore. I can't keep myself in check anymore.

"Wanna tell me what happened?" Carol asked from beside me. She sounded so distant as her hand slipped inside mine. I felt myself nod once and she squeezed my hand. I dove into the details of after my date. Exploding at my mom, desperate attempts to contact Bram, and eventually cutting myself to the point of numbness. I hated that my friends had to go through my shit with me. I wish that just to save them, they would stop being my friends. But they won't, because they love me.

"Carol." Val said after what felt like decades. "Why is she crying?" He asked like a scared little boy. Crying was my brother's weakness. He hated seeing me, or anyone else for that matter, crying.

"S-she told me what happened." Carol said, putting her arms around me. "Why does she want you, Bram Stomes?"

"Because, I told her something that no one else knows." He said, getting onto his knees. "Fee, what's wrong?"

"Cuts." I whispered like a deranged lunatic. "I couldn't stop myself... I-I couldn't get a hold of you..."

"Shh. Come with me, Fee." Bram said as he got to his feet and then pulled me up. We walked down the halls to one of the abandoned stairwells. I threw my arms around his waist and pressed my face into his chest and I felt calm. I only met this... this boy a few days ago and yet he can make me feel so much better within  matter of seconds. Maybe he is going to help me out of my depression.

"Where did you cut?" He asked quietly, rubbing his hand up and down my back. I took his hands and moved them over my hips, letting out a small gasp of pain. They were still raw. "Shh, Fee, I'm going to look at them. Okay?" I nodded and watched him as he got on his knees and rolled my shirt over my hips.

"Shit!" He cursed, resting his forehead against my stomach. "They look like they're getting infected. I need to take you to the--"

"No, you can't Bram! Please." I begged, getting on the floor with him. "They'll put me back in rehab.. they'll take me away from everyone that I need..." Bram pulled me into a hug as I felt my body started shaking. "I need you." I whispered to him. Bram tightened his arms around me as I uttered the words to him. Maybe he figured that those three words were the closest I love you he'd ever get from me.