claires p.o.v
this was it, my first night at someone elses house. the first night i would ever stay in any other bed other then my own. it felt so weird and un natural, i felt like i needed to be at home in my bed even if CeCe and Stan were there, i dont do well with mayjor changes and i was starting to freak out a little.
the boys were all back now (including ashton) and back in the livingroom doing god knows what and here i am in lukes room pacing back and forth, biting my nails, breathing heavily and still wondering what the fuck happened with Ash and Bella. were they together? are they just friends? did they sleep together? are they going to get together? i dont know why this is whats on my mind but i was a 'girly girl' for quite a while so maybe its that side of me talking and oh my god im thinking way to much. i feel like if i were talking what im thinking right now it would be like that moment where someome wont shut up and everyones just like dude shut up but i cant shut up cause im too stressed and im going to need to take an anxiety pill and holy shit im shaking i need to sit the fuck down.
i sat down on my bed and started to cry, i couldnt help it. ive cried so much today and i just want it to stop. i wish i could be strong and face everything that comes at me standing up tall with my head held high but thats just not me. im quiet and shy and i dont like to disturb anyone or anything. im way too damn polite, i went and got a massage one day and the lady was going too hard but i was too polite to say anything so i went through an hour of hell and then because she pressed so hard my back hurt for a week after but i couldnt grow a pair and tell her to go a little bit lighter.
i dont know why my mind was rambling on so much i just i really needed to calm down. no thats not it, i hadnt cut in a while. maybe that will calm me down? ya it always does.
i quietly slipped into the bathroom hoping no one would notice. i shut the door and locked it behind me. i looked in the morror and saw nothing but ugly, fat and ugly. thats what i was. i hated my frekles, i hated my brown hair, i hated my blue eyes i was just hideous in my eyes. i always have been and i always will be and nothing can change that. luke is just being nice to me out of sympathy he probably talks about me behind my back and is planning on embarassing me infront of the whole school. more tears started to stream and i hated myself even more. i needed to cut, i needed to feel the physical pain that helps to take away my emotional pain. i held my wrist over the sink and placed the blade on my skin.
one for Stan
one for CeCe
one for Matt
one for Kitty
one for Kelly
one for my dad
one for my apperance
one for my depression
and one just because it felt so good
nine cuts later i was finally pleased with myself. i smiled down at my bleeding wirst and let the blood drip into the sink for a minute or two. i finally decided to clean myself up. i rinsed my wrist under cold water and wrapped it in the guaz i brought in with me. i cleaned out the sink and unlocked the door walking out, when i walked directly into luke
lukes p.o.v
Claire had been in the bathroom a long time, she had already showered so she wasnt doing that and i me the toilet never flushed so not that either. what was she doing?
when we walkes out she walked directly into me and shot her arms behind her back. what was she hiding?
"sorry claire" i said to her
she avoided eye contact and said
"its okay it was my fault, im really tired im just going to go ti bed"
she then scurried away into our room without another word.
she was so secretive, she hid so much. you would think after what im doing for her she would let me in a little bit. but i cant blame her, shes been through so much and the more i learn about her, the real her. the more my feelings for her grow.
*authers note, sorry i know i such so much for not updating. im probably going to post a few chapters today but no promises. im really excited for the next few chapters hopefully you huys will like them. i start school on tuesday and its saturday, so when school starts im going to try and update either once everynight before bed or every other night. i hope you guys liked this chapter*
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It should be simple... (A Luke Hemmings Fanfic)
Fanfiction(Story cover was mads by 'harryforme') Claire had a perfect life, on the outside. She was dating the quarterback, got strait a's, had the perfect body. everyone wanted to be her, no, everyone wanted to be the way she tried to make herself be. But i...
