Broken Crayons Still Color

"I didn't know"

I didn't know what those two first cuts would to do my life and the people who I surround myself with.

I wasn't aware how those two first cuts would make me feel and how it would make others feel.

I had no clue what those two first cuts would lead to and what impact it would make on my life.

I just didn't know.

I was hurt. Badly.

Somedays I felt like taking a gun to my head and blowing my brains out

The pain was a reapeating nightmare that would never go away

Those first two cuts changed my entire life

What seem so simple and harmless turn into something more evil then what words can express

Because you see... I didn't end it right there

I told myself never again would I take a blade to my wrist

That was my last time

But it was never my last time

Months afterwards as the nightmares increase

I pick up that blade and without much thought.. gracefully pressed it againist my skin

There was never much blood

Enough to peep through the cut and say hello to my teary face

It took months for most of my scars to heal

Because sometimes a band aid can't always fix a open battle wound

I didn't know what those first two cuts would do to my life

But I did know something

I knew it was wrong even though I did it anyways

I knew once I did it there was no going back

And I also knew I wasn't alone

People all around have suffered just like you and me

The amount of people who have opened up to me regarding their stories after hearing mine

Absolutely takes my breath away

You see..

We are our own type of beautiful

We are beautiful because of our strength to carry on

We are beautiful because we rise even if we suffer from the hands of others

We are beautiful because we choose to swallow our pain and wipe our tears

No very many people have the ability to do that

We might keep secrets

And a closet full of long sweaters

But our stories aren't over

We still have many words to share

I didn't know what those first two cuts would do

But now I know that those first two cuts have given me a reason

To speak out loud for all to hear

To inspire and motivate others who share the same disease

And don't get me wrong..

Some days are still rough and temptation is all around

However, I will rise

I will rise

Because I know I can