Broken Crayons Still Color

"Spoken Word"

Depression.

A ten letter word that changed my whole world.

Having depression was not a choice

I never ask for it nor did I want it

Depression invaded my home at the age of 18

And kidnap my soul before I even had the chance to fight

It lock me up in a cell where I starved

I was widely abused day after day

Until I almost gave up and called quits

Because of depression I will never be the same

The scars left on both my wrists and my thigh

Was unfortunately not a accident

It eventually led me to the hospital

Where I instinctively remember lying in bed

Wishing that I was dead

Because I felt dead

I wanted to be dead

The first person I ever told about my depression

Was my teacher back in high school

The night I told her we both cried together

She held me tightly in her arms

And promise we would get through this

At the time I didn't believe her

I had so much pain in my life that it didn't seem possible

I was hopeless and ready to let go

Everything was plan out from how I would do it to my funeral

The letters I was going to write to people such as my best friend

Who I loved so dearly and wish I didn't have to leave

Our time on this earth is so precious

It's limited and we'll never get enough

But depression made my time run out

It made the clock spin faster and I couldn't get it to stop

Before I knew what I was doing I already had the knife pick up

By then I understood I had two choices

One was to either slice and feel pain for a couple of weeks

And the other was to feel pain only temporality

Until the light appeared and I would step in it

Welcome the warmness and accept whatever came next

Because anything felt better then being depressed

Depression

Oh, how I hate that word

It brings back so many memories

I am currently almost two months away from being sober

But don't get me wrong

Depression still haunts me everyday

It likes to remind me of the bad times instead of the good

It loves to give me nightmares

Anxiety

Panic Attacks

PTSD

However, depression you are no longer the driver

Please step aside and let me drive my own car

I am choosing to go a different path

A path off the normal route that you usually take

I am going to slow down and make as many pit stops as I feel

Because I am no longer controlled by you

Trust me when I say this

Depression is not worth the time nor effort

It might live inside you

Except your depression does not have to define

You are not less of a person because you suffer from depression

I promise you that you are not alone in this

There are millions of people who are like us

Some even have it worse then what we do

But it'll never get better if you don't allow it

You are beautiful

Kind

Lovely in your own way

And you are worthy of this life

So please get the help you need

Because depression is not your best friend

You could do so much better than this

You are better than this

Stay strong and love yourself

You only have this one life

So live it wisely