Notice Me Senpai

Chapter 30

A/N:
I knowwwwww it's been sooo long and i don't wanna bore you with any excuses so! as a way of apologizing i wrote 2k of yugbam talking things out!!! i hope it's okay lmao

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"Alright so, I'm willing to listen to your explanation" Yugyeom said once he was seated on Bambam's couch, trying his best to suppress the memories of the last time they were sitting here like that. His eyes were puffy from crying before and his voice slightly hoarse. Bambam gave the boy a grateful smile and was quiet for a moment, trying to choose the right words because he was very well aware that this might just be his only chance to make things right with the boy that held his heart in shaking hands. His hearts threatening to fall out of his hold and shattering on the cold ground.

"I don't know what exactly Jinyoung told you but I do know the vague outlines of it. As much as I'd like to deny that I just wanted to sleep with you at first, it would be lie"

Yugyeom drew in a sharp breath. He was already aware of that but hearing Bambam admitting it so vulnerably and regretfully did things to his heart and mind he couldn't decipher.

"It sounds cliché but the more time I spent with you, trying to win you over I found myself thinking less and less about sleeping with you. Instead I found myself anticipating your next text, checking my phone every minute to see your origami dick process. Hell, I made pipe cleaner people with you. But that's beside the point," He gave Yugyeom a small, sad smile, "I craved the small moments with you, I wanted more and more to be the reason behind your smile and as time progressed I also grew incredibly fond of your friends. I just want you to know that my feelings for you are sincere and I've never felt so strongly for anyone in my whole life. The night you thought I wanted to sleep with you well," Bambam's voice trailed off and he couldn't find the strength in him to look at Yugyeom's reaction when he said the next part.

"That- that night I actually wanted to confess to you and ask you to be my boyfriend"

He heard Yugyeom suck in a sharp breath at his words and he ducked his head even lower.

"Bambam I-" The carefulness was clear.

"Yugie- I mean Yugyeom," Bambam corrected himself quickly, not knowing if he had the privilege to call the boy that anymore. "You don't have to feel sorry for me or whatever, i definitely don't deserve that. I fucked up and as much as it hurts I wouldn't be mad if you never wanted to talk to me again after today"

"That- That's not it" Yugyeom's voice was barely above a whisper before he coughed, trying to put more confidence in his words.

"While I appreciate your honesty it's true that I'm still a bit wary? Yeah wary is the right word. What you did or well, intended to do at first, really hurt my feelings" The way he said it wasn't with a trace of malice, he wasn't trying to make Bambam feel bad because he knew the boy already did that on his own, more than anything he just wanted Bambam to understand.

"I had about three crushes before you but they never formed into a relationship, they all backed away and left me alone as soon as they found out I wouldn't have sex with them. Two were kinder in letting me down than the other one. He'd said I only made him false hopes and used him, played with him even"