Loving You Again

Ch.18: Forgive Me

[Edited:]

"It'll be okay Cass." Katie smiled sadly as I saw my mums car drive up the driveway.

I gulped and drew the blinds back to place. I nodded and smiled at Katie, "Yeah," I sighed.

Katie stared at me as I finished folding my shirt. "I'm home!" I heard my mum shout downstairs.

I felt my eyes water and I swallowed my tears back. It was as if I was going back in time again.

When I had been getting ready to leave to California. The first time out of my hometown in Cheshire, it was hard, and very emotional.

I was a bit relieved but mostly scared. Scared to not have my mum with me anymore, not having her next to me like always.

I slowly opened the door and crept downstairs, scared to see my mum. I knew that I couldn't look into her eyes and tell her I was leaving.

It had only been less than two weeks.

I watched as my mum hummed to herself, her back to me as she put some of the groceries she had brought into their places.

She turned after a few seconds with a jump and my eyes suddenly dropped to the tile floor.

"Oh honey you scared me." She said, "Cassandra are you okay?"

I saw as her feet walked towards me and as she took my face in her soft hands.

I looked everywhere besides her eyes and hugged her tightly shutting my eyes. I tried best to not to cry and just stay together.

"Cassandra you're worrying me now." My mum said hugging me slowly. I sighed knowing I could only tell her this way.

With my eyes still closed I took in a shaky breath, "I'm leaving in two days." I said in one exhale.

My mum chuckled and pulled away looking at my face, "What?" she asked as her smile fell.

"My flight was mixed up I guess, and I'm leaving on Wednesday." I murmured looking at the floor again.

"Cassandra look at me." My mum said and I finally met her eyes. Green eyes full of kindness and love.

She searched in my eyes for an emotion something I didn't know. And finally I couldn't fight the tears that came it was too hard.

That little girl in me kicked in and I was already in my mothers arms. My real home, that heaven of security and escape only a mother can give.

The arms that first held me, the arms that were there when my father wasn't, the arms that held me like a cradle.

"Honey, don't cry." My mums voice broke. I shook my head not being able to speak.

It was as if every word and phrase was stuck in my throat. How could I not cry? How could I be strong when I was leaving home?

I had realized that I was leaving so much. I was leaving my mum, my boyfriend, my best friends.

Everything.

Now when everything was pulling back together it was being ripped apart again. All this happiness turned to grief and sadness all over again.

That evening I had been stuck in my mothers bedroom in her arms, talking. Just like the phrase: 'You don't know what you have until it's gone.' fit in this situation.

Even if I wasn't gone yet, I haven't appreciated my mum at all during this vacation.

All I have been doing is acting like a teenage girl and chasing after boys and hanging out with friends, and out of all those nights I've only dedicated only one day to my mum.

"Cassandra don't feel bad, I understand." My mum said as she stroked my hair.

"I'm so sorry." I mumbled.

"Cassie, it's fine stop being miserable and let's just use this time to catch up on life yeah?" she asked, as she led me by the hand upstairs, and to her bedroom, where we sat down.

I nodded weakly and sniffed, as she led me by the hand upstairs, and to her bedroom, where we sat down. It was amazing how my own mother was acting so cool about this and I'm being a baby, balling my eyes out.

"So you and Harry?" she asks. I could hear her smile. I sniffed again.

Harry.

How was I supposed to tell him this. Was he going to break up with me? I knew deep down I couldn't and wouldn't be able to cope another heartbreak. Especially when it came from him, someone that I had learned to love.

"Yeah," I said weakly. But only for a while longer, I finished in my head.

I sat up looking at her, "Mum?" I asked. She stared back at me nodding slightly.

"How did you know dad and you were meant to be?" I asked thoughtfully. How on earth can I know if Harry was for me? What if after everything Ashton was my prince?

"We didn't," mum put her hand on my cheek and I leaned on it. "We were only teenagers, finding out the real world when we met. But we loved each other so much." She turned to the picture on her nightstand.

A picture of me as a toddler in his arms. My father was a handsome guy, with blonde hair, deep blue eyes, a big dimple smile. The one I had inherited.

"Cassandra you're only barely getting a taste of life, only barely tasting true love." Mum grabbed the picture and stared at it with warm eyes.

"But both life and love are similar yet different. In life you have choices but in love your heart is the one to choose, not your brain." She gently pointed to my head, tapping it softly.

"In love you use your heart, in life you use both your head and heart. But just because your heart has been broken once, doesn't mean you'll make the same mistake." She caressed my father's face and smiled, a ghost smile.

"You have to trust your heart, and if it means making risks for someone you love, you won't even have time to think. You'll already be gearing up for it."

"I know you're confused, Cassie but just follow your heart. Listen to it, don't make the same mistakes as last time." With that my mum hugged me tight.

I only understood a bit, but I was still confused. I knock interrupted our embrace and my mum pulled away.

"It's open!" she said.

Katie popped her head in looking daggers at me and smiling at my mother.

"Cassandra, your boyfriends here." Katie enunciated. I smiled shakingly as I stood up and gave my mum a hug.

My mum and I were never physically close, but we both knew we loved each other, and this meant the world to her.

I walked down the stairs careful to be ahead of Katie, because I knew I was in for it.

She was mad that I haven't told her the whole story yet. I knew she would kill me, I shivered at the thought.

I walked into the living room to find Harry grinning and high fiving and fist bumping Ashton.

"Great idea mate." Harry said.

I knew he didn't see me yet so I just stood there looking and admiring his beauty.

Was I actually brave enough to do this to him now?

Was it my turn to let him down?

"Babe what's wrong?" When Harry's head turned his smile faded and I wiped my tears and sniffed.

"Nothing, I need to talk to you." I smiled sadly. I started walking off to the back porch, feeling Harry following me.

God help me.

-A/N-

Short ik but I'll update tonight, it'll be a double update today if not I'll update earlier. Sorry I've been busy with school and stuff 😒.