In those Eyes. [Harry Potter]

In Those Eyes.

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My friend has inspired me to make this. I was holding it back but I'm gonna try and see what happens. Thanks Vicky!

I have looked back at my past. Running away from Voldemort, having to fight Voldemort, and defeating Voldemort - that's how I spent my childhood. Of course I had a wonderful time at Hogwarts and met friends that have stuck with me through these times but sometimes I think it would have been better if I were dead. 

If I had died with my parents I wouldn't have had to suffer and struggle to stay alive. I wouldn't be dying inside because I have a hard time loving anyone. I look at my past, Cho Chang, a girl that I used to have a crush on. She ended up having a boyfriend and he ended up dying because of me.

It was as if I had committed murder.

I look at my present - Ginny Weasley. We have been together ever since I moved on from Hogwarts. I'm not even sure if I love her but I would never break her heart. She's my best friends sister and I wouldn't want to hurt her.

Though, tonight I was thinking about my future, quill in hand. The ink on the tip had dripped onto my parchment and dried because I realized something. I have no future.

It wasn't in my dreams to marry Ginny and live somewhat happily ever after. I didn't really have dreams now that Voldemort was gone. He gave me nightmares, the only things I had close to dreams.

I stood from my chair, throwing the parchment in the bin and heading upstairs stopping when I stood at the top. 

I wasn't alone. Ginny hadn't come home because she didn't want to be in the same house as a "traitor". I opened the door and a flash of the past came back as he stood there staring out of the window.

Maybe you are all asking the same question: "Why is Malfoy in your house?"

Well, that's a long story. After the war, Malfoy became homeless and an orphan, a victim to war and circumstance. His parents were killed and his house had become a hideout for criminals. He'd began to live at Hogwarts but after it was time to leave, he had no place to be.

So, I took  in my "grade school bully" and Ginny moved out. Seems a bit odd but it was just one of those things that came with being me. I felt compelled to save people; be the hero. Well that's the explanation that Ron and Ginny give.

Couldn't say that was it this time, though.

I watched as he turned around, "See something you like, Potter?" 

I stalked over to where he stood, hands in my pockets to keep from turning him into a toad where he stood, "Haven't you ever heard of being happy, Malfoy?"

It was just like when we were in our first year and just how it was when we approached our sixth year. Our relationship hadn't really changed. It was like one of those universal constants that we were bound to bicker until the day we died.

Okay, so maybe it hadn't changed in some aspects without my consent.

Our bantering hasn't stopped yet we were growing closer than I ever thought we would. Living under the same roof, I had given up having a real social life for him. No one could come over, he was basically still in hiding even after all of this time. 

I found this quite odd of me, but once again I had no explanation for what was happening with my life.

I could just feel myself getting farther and farther cast under the spell that is being enthralled with Draco Malfoy. It seemed to be another one of those inevitable things that I just couldn't stop no matter how much time I spent reminding myself how ridiculous it is. So, it wasn't stopping, but my denial made it a slower descent into madness. The relationship advanced at a crawl.

Just me standing here next to a boy...man, who hates me with a passion.

This is why I have no future, because if he isn't there, than I'm not me. I felt his eyes roaming my face as I continued to lean on the windowsill and stare up at the night sky. 

"Have you ever...wanted your parents to come back?"

I looked over at him, my glasses sliding down my nose a little. 

"Yeah." It came out like a quiet sigh as I tried to refocus on the present.

"Is it odd that I don't miss mine?" My eyes roamed his face and then I stared him in the eyes. Those grayish orbs that burned deep into my soul. Then at his lips, the ones that curved into a smile every time I was hurt or injured or close to dying.

I feel like such a masochist.

I sighed and put a hand on his shoulder.

 "No."

That was the first time he had ever said it.

"Thanks." 

It was as surprising as hearing your boyfriend or girlfriend say "I love you." for the first time even though you have been with them for over five years. I sighed and looked down at the quill I still had in my hand. 

"Do you ever think about your future?" I asked staring down at the quill as I rolled it around in between my fingertips.

"No," I could hear him fidgeting around the room as if it's a nervous tick, looking over his flasks and mortar and pestle and rearranging them carefully.

This time I was staring at the back of his head in the dim light shining through the attic windows.

 "Before now, I didn't think I would have a future."