Changes

Chapter 5

Day one after break up: Hello Journal. I have decided to write my feelings down everyday. It is currently six pm. Cecilia is gone now. The day wasn't as bad as I was expecting. I spent some time crying but the rest of the day I felt blank. I baked some cookies and did some chores. I tried to distract myself but It was hard.

I could tell Cecilia didn't know how to handle me. She acted extra cautious which was nice but it made me feel uncomfortable. I'm glad she was there for me. Her hugs always made things better. She had some of the most loving hugs. They were so warm and caring. They always felt like a mother's hug. Like when your mother hugged you when you didn't feel good as a child. I can tell she is going to be an amazing mother some day.

One of the best parts of last night was all the shade we threw at Ash. It stung but I think cracking jokes about him was what I needed. Cecilia went off. I knew she was bottling it all up the past six months. She was hilarious. A few times it scared me how vicious she could be. I know it will be a hard week and it will probably still suck after that but at least I still have Cecilia.

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I put my journal down and checked the time. It took my half an hour to write that. It wasn't because it was hard to write or because it wasn't true. My brain was just a bit foggy but that's nothing a bath wouldn't fix. I grabbed my pajamas, my laptop, and my laptop charger. I put my stuff down in the bathroom and turned on the water. Self care is really important after a breakup so I grabbed my favorite face mask. It was a "men's" face mask so it smells like cologne.

I love love love taking baths. I got in the bath and turned on The Good Place on my laptop. All of the sudden a wave of sadness hit me. I fucking miss Ash. Did he really cheat? Does he even care about me? Why? I began to sob. Would he take me back? If I texted him rn would he get mad? I really want him back. No. I can't. I don't trust him right now. As alway Cecilia texted me at the perfect time.

Hey Ro how are you doing?

Terrible. I want him back.

No Ro. He cheated. You should never go back to him.

What if he didn't? We don't have proof.

I do. He told me he met up with some girl.

WHAT? When? Who? How many times? What happened?

I don't know who but it was during the second month of your relationship. He said it only happened once and he didn't touch her or anything. But he still went out with that slut and he's a no good cheater.

At least nothing happened.

Ro no. He cheated.

I know. Pb cups.

I powered off my phone and chucked it at the bathroom door. I'm not mad at him. I'm not even that hurt. I would have cheated on me too.

(Hey sorry for not updating in forever! The past few months have been really stressful and I forgot I hadn't published some of my chapters. I'm sorry.)