Changes

chapter 7

Day three after breakup:

Dear journal, I talked to Cecilia. She's guilty. She apologized rapidly and went on about how she should leave. I didn't have the energy to deal with her leaving or to tell her how I really felt. I just hugged her and told her it was okay. I don't want to lose Cecilia or Ash. A mistake was made and I just want to forget about it. Do you think Ash will take me back? I really hope he does. I miss him and his beautiful face. I have four days left. I said we could talk in a week. The next four days are gonna suck. Wish me luck!

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I stood up with a sigh. What should I do? Maybe I'll see if Joey will play with me? I made my way upstairs to my little brother's room and knocked on it lightly. "Joey?"

"Go away." He mumbled while sitting in the corner of his room.

"Don't you want to play with your favorite teenager?" I asked somewhat quietly.

"No I want to play alone." He threw one of his stuffed animals at my head. "Leave me alone!" and with that I left. Not even a six year old wants to spend time with me. I guess I'll just eat my sadness away. I pulled open the freezer and grabbed a pint of java chip ice cream. I thought about watching tv in the living room but didn't want to deal with my parents coming home. Instead I just went back to my room and jumped in bed. Who needs to be productive when you could just watch Netflix?

Part way into watching Friends for the 100th time my mind started to race. School starts soon. Only a couple weeks and I'll be in hell. I have to go to high school in a couple of weeks. What's high school like? I had no idea. What if Ashen decides he wants nothing to do with me anymore and I have to see him in the hallways talking up some random girl? What if all the bullying gets worse? Well at least there's a bridge right next to the school. I tried to turn my attention back to Friends.

I couldn't sit still for some reason so I decided to get up and clean my closet. I organized my sweatshirts from ones I wear most, trashed ones, ones I got in a different state plus the one my friend got when she went to London, and fandom ones. I then organized my shirts from long sleeve, short sleeve, most comfortable, ones that make me look the most like a boy, ones that my family thought looked nice because they're super girly, and fancy shirts. Why I organized like this I do not know. I don't even like doing laundry but it's almost like I'm being possessed by a cleaning demon. This is too much work I need to sleep. I crawled in bed and closed my eyes.