At times I'm sick of living in this world
The constant feeling of being alone
The silence reminds me of how much of a loner I really am
When my world is dark I have no guidance
Stepping in puddles filled by tears all caused by different pains
Am I wrong for wanting to end it all?
Growing up with no father I don't know how to be a dog
I've taught myself to be a man but I feel like a man is something I'd never become
Who am I?
Lost in this world and I can't even see
Down in the pits of hell
The fire walls burn me every time I walk into them
Been hurt so much I have no feelings
Numb to the pain
And I don't know the reason
I'm not sure whether I want to feel or not feel at all
Would ending it all solve anything at all
Tucked in the corner away from society
They say there here for me but that's not where they wanted to be
I'm sorry For making you feel sorry for me
I guess I'll just never amount to nothing
I can't keep close friends because close is something they can never be
Skin bruised up it hurts to even breath
Don't stand to close I know you feel bad for me
But nothing makes me feel better
And if it does it only last for a moment
They told me liquor will wash it away but it didn't
I woke up the next day feeling worst than the day I drank because of the pain
Sometimes if I'm high the pain goes away
Smile because of my nonsense
And joke about my day
Other times it brings me lower
Lower than I've ever been
I've come to learn there's no running away
I'm the one that never gives up so for me to say I'm done
I've must've been going through a lot
I remember how I used to stand in the mirror and practice my smile so I can use it throughout the day so that no one can tell how last night I tried to take my life
Wore a nice long shirt put a tie on to feel nice
Told them I wanted to bring my success to the present but in reality I didn't want them to see me down
So down that I might as well be dead
If you knew me and knew how I felt you'd think
Damn
How could this even be him
Almost everyday I write
But every piece doesn't have meaning
Sometimes it's just my mind thinking about how to feel and just starts screaming
And the only way for me to keep my conscious quiet is to write down what he's been shouting
But don't let me get started about the dreams
The dreams are whole another level
I remember the times my brother told me I was sleep screaming
Trying to run away from my pain but its follows me even in my sleep
No where to hide I might as well call this being me
But who am I?
How do I explain this to someone...
I'm scared to die and I'm scared to live
And I'm Living to die and for now I'm living
So much pain
And each day it Escalades
My cry for help is hiding deep in my face
But I've always told myself
Don't ever let anyone see your pain
One of the rules I've came up with while figuring out to be a man is that I should never show anyone my weakness
Chin up
Eyes towards the sky
Don't cry
It will be alright
If you need to cry just remember not to let your tear fly
Catch it
Doesn't anybody need to know your broke inside
