I don't know how long I've been feeling this way
But
I just want to die
Forget about everything and just leave the world
Because fuck being alive
I've gone throw so much
With no one to be here
No one at my side
Everyone claims there here for me but when the time comes there never really there
Man I hate myself so much
I'd really love to have the balls to end myself
The untold book of an unknown artist
But you'll know my story wants my death turns up on channel 6
My whole life I've been screaming for help
But help is something people usually don't bring
But the real question is
Does help even exist?
I've grown to cope with the pain
But the pain never hides
Only I do
Like a kid behind a curtain I'm afraid for others to see me in real life
The true definition of a Man in disguise
I don't even take it off when I'm home
Cause when I'm home I still cry
All alone in the shower where the noise cancels me out
Blood draining out
I feel pain oozing out
Yes I know this is so wrong but if you care hear me out
I'm not a big fan of self inflicted pain
But the reason is cause I one point
I was the man in the rain
Tears full of blood
Feel like I'm going insane
I can't seem to hold on
I hate dealing with pain
They say life is like a roller coaster
But I'll let go of anything
One way ticket it out
And I won't feel any pain
You never know what someone goes through until they decide to let you in
Even if you ask them they might not even tell you everything
Often times it's not that they don't want to tell you
But
That they just don't know how too
Because they don't want to have to explain after they tell you
They want you to have the full experience in one go
It's already as bad it is
Explaining it is just another level
So this is what I do
I keep it going
Don't let it hold me back
19 years and I'm still holding on
You might think damn he's so strong
He's so used to handling it but now
Like everyone who works out know
I get weak too
Apply pressure and I get weak too
Often times situations would have me shaking in my shoes
Hiding under my sheets
Curled up in the corner
Some people like me do what we call is express our emotions
We do this through music,poetry,athletics, or even something as simple as helping others the way we need to be helped
Day by day it not only gets harder but it gets easier to think about ending it all
No matter how tough you are or how strong you think you are depression will break any loving soul down
We all need help
Trust me i know
It will beat you to your knees and leave you there permanently
I was told only if you let it
I was told to love myself and learn to be alone
But the only reason this is
Is because they didn't know I was plotting my own death on my phone
Why do we want to be here for people who are suicidal when it's already to late
Remember when you told them
They have to learn to be alone for goodness sake
The same person that took there life instead of booting them to the side and helping you showed them that they were all alone
Been when it's time for them to go
You stay blowing up there phone
Don't you ever wait last min to find out what's going on
And for everyone going through motion
I'm here for you
I'm trying to get every potion to cure you but all I say right now is stay strong and find a way to channel it
Hopefully one day we'll meet
And we can talk and be here for each other like no one did for me ,or you, or anyone else
Can't no one make you feel better than someone who goes through or can relate to you
Uk.Ar_ ~
