Lady Of The Church

At Least It's Not A Letter

The mayor of Graymoor sat Sherman and Jill down on the edge of the bed. He walked to and fro around Sherman's room.

"Well, I don't see what the problem is, mayor," Reverend Goody said. "They're very respectable children."

"That have committed adultery. Look at them, you can see it in their faces," Mr.Roberts said. "They have the look. You know the look? It's the look and they have it!"

"We were just hanging out. No sex. Why would I ever want to have sex with him? He's ewwwww," said Jill, "but I love him anyway."

"You, too," Sherman said. "I mean, we have absolutely no sexual attraction to each other at all. Ewwwww. Sex is gross."

"Totally," Jill said.

Then they all heard the police sirens outside.

In disbelief, Reverend Goody said, "You really called the police?"

"She was suspiciously eating s'mores and hiding in the kid's closet. Why else would she have been hiding?" Mr.Roberts said, throwing his hands in the air. "And I thought you would've raised your son better than this, John. Why, he's just an average hooligan! And Jill, Lady Of The Church. How could you?"

"I can't believe I'm getting arrested all because I was 'suspiciously eating s'mores'!" she exclaimed.

"And having coitus with the reverend's son, thereby you were committing adultery, which is now punishable by law for all residents of Graymoor!" Mr.Roberts exclaimed, pointing a chubby finger at her. "And I have a whole town on my hands that's waiting for this exact moment."

"You don't even have proof!" Sherman said.

It was true. The police realized this as soon as they bombarded into the Goodys' home. Both kids were fully dressed, there was no sign an act of sexual intercourse had even went on. Sure, the sheets were messy, but that wasn't enough to incriminate the children.

Officer Miller shrugged. "I don't think they had sex. I mean, if they did...you'd be able to tell right away. It'd be written on their foreheads. There's really nothing here, mayor, I am sorry to tell you."

"Yeah, he would have that look if he did that." Officer Murphy gestured to Jill. "They would be glowing, but they're just not. They look kinda blah and tired to me."

Mr.Roberts argued, "But they do have the look!"

Elizabeth Ramsey's bad, awkward timing struck again tonight just as the police and mayor were about to leave. She called Sherman at the worst possible moment ever.

"Answer it," Mr.Roberts said. He seemed out to prove something.

"It's my friend, Lizzie Ramsey," said Sherman.

"Put it on speaker!" Wow, this mayor really had it out for Jill and Sherman now.

"Hello, Sherman?" Lizzie said.

"Yeah, Lizzie, this isn't a good time...." Sherman tried to tell her.

"You can tell Jill that she can have all the s'mores she wants. I still have a load of them!" Lizzie said. "I mean, she really has a thing for them. She ate half of my pile already!"

"Yeah, she's a s'mores kind of girl," Sherman said. "Lizzie, I'm really tired."

"Why are all the police by your house?"

The police made shushing faces at him and pointed to Reverend Goody. Getting the hint, Sherman replied, "It's for my dad. You know, law drama. Church versus state and such....."