Forbidden Love (Scrapped)

Chapter 23

I grab my phone, wallet, house keys, and car keys and go to my car. It takes only 15 minutes to get downtown and Marilyn and I are meeting at 12. It is 11:30 right now.

As I drive through town, memories from growing up here fill my mind. Going to the park with my mom. Countless church events. Passing by my old school and remembering dances and my favorite teachers there.

But I don't entirely miss it. It isnt like I don't like it here. I just realize now that this isn't the place for me. Not where I will live my life. I don't think I have ever felt secure here. Like I always knew i didn't belong.

Here I was always known as the pastor's daughter. I had to be perfect. People always expected me to be older than I am. When I was 7 I was performing tasks at church that the staff at church were paid to do. I never got to be a kid. I never got to make mistakes and take risks. I didn't have the ability to learn the way a normal kid would. I had to just not do anything. I learmed from a young age that by just sitting in the corner and waiting to be told what to do is how I would make it.

Which sucks. I was a seven year old thinking this is how I have to live for 80 years. Quiet and in a corner.

I step out of the car and walk into the pizza parlor. I look directly to where Marilyn and I sat and I see her sitting there, looking like a scared puppy. She looks so nervous.

"Hey," I say as I walk up.

"You came," she says with a big grin.

"I wouldn't stand anyone up." I sit down at the chair across from her. "Unless something serious happened."

"Yeah. You're a good person like that."

A waiter walks up to us amd asks us what we would like. I order a slice of pepperoni and she orders just cheese. The usuals.

"Willow," she begins, looking down at her hands. "I am so sorry."

Well, that was unexpected. Usually she isnt one to apologize verbally. She just makes her apologies known through actions.

"The past three months I have regretted how I reacted," she looks up at me. With tears in her eyes. "And when I found out you started to go to the school in California I just knew it was the reason. I know there are no excuses for how I reacted. But, I think, just growing up in the church like we did is stuck in my head. So that was just initial instinct."

I am speechless.

"Then I got pregnant. And I had the thought of: 'What if my child told me they were gay?' And I started crying. Not in fear of it. But the thought that they would be scared to tell me. That they would hurt because of the fear of how i would react." She looks down at her stomach and smiles. "And this is my kid. I already love them and I haven't even figured out a name. Nothing would change that."

I take a drink of my water. The waiter brings our food.

"Marilyn, thank you. Thank you for that. But, I have a hard time figuring out who i can trust right now. With everything that happened, it's really hard. I think, I can gradually trust you again but it will take time. But, I don't know if we will be able to go back to how close we were."

"Yeah, I understand you," she looks at me sincerely. "I am not asking you to give me another chance or anything. I just needed to say all this."

"And I am happy you did. It lifted a weught. It did."

"I'm really sorry," she says again.

"I know," i nod my head. "But now let's change the subject. Who's the father?"

"Rico Vega...."

My mouth drops. "No!" I gasp.

She buries her face in her hands and nods. "We started seeing each other the beginning of the school year and we got a little too drunk at Ashley's back to school party."

"Wow," my eyes wide and my mouth still open. "I never would have guessed him."

"Yeah, but he has been so kind and sweet through all of this. He promises to stick through it."

"That is crazy. But I am happy he is growing up."

"Yeah me too."

We finish our food and talk about memories and share memories.

When we finish up at about 1:30, she has to go back home for an appointment.

I get in my car and immediately call Adelaide.

"Hey baby," she answers.

"So," I pit the car in drive and pull out of the parking lot. "It didn't go bad."

"Oh that's good!"

"Yeah. She apologized."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah." I stop at a crosswalk and let the girl walk by. "She told me about how when she got pregnant, she started thinking abour if her kid told her they were gay. And she was sad. Not that they would be gay, but that they would be scared to tell her or hurting because of the not knowing how she would react."

I start driving again.

"And what did you say?" She asks.

"Well, I was honest. I told her that J am not entirely sure who I can trust right now. And that I can maybe gradually start trusting her again. But that I don't think we could go back to what we were."

"That's understandable. With all that you have been through recently, you have the right to say that."

"Adelaide." I arrive at the house. "I don't know where I would be without you."

"Oh honey, I will always be here for you if you need me."

"Anything for you, baby. But actually right now I am about to go to lunch so I will call you later."

I chuckle. "Okay. Talk to you later."

I hang up and get out of the car.

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Happy New Year y'all!!!

I pray that you all have a great year. This year is dedicated to self care and self development. So whenever someone starts to put you down, just walk away. The first step to not having a negative life is to not let it get to you. Just push through. You all are strong and amazing.