Chapter 3: Decisions

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I decided to go see Hyunjin first hoping for him to be able to cheer me up. "What's up?" I asked as I walked into the training room, Hyunjin was wiping his forehead with a towel after an intense training session. "We need to talk Jisung," Hyunjin spoke sternly. "Oh god, I came here for you to cheer me up but I feel like thats not about to happen..." I sighed. "We figured it would be best for you to know... before you get hurt even more..." Hyunjin trailed off. "Get hurt?" I asked. "That boy, I know you wanted to save him," Hyunjin said. "But you know deep down that headquarters weren't going to let him live, right?" I looked at him, hoping that what he said next wasn't what I was thinking. "They killed him Sungie, he's dead." He told me. I felt my heart sink, all the effort I put into saving him, they put me in punishment because I let him live, and they just kill him like his life meant nothing. On the inside I was breaking all over again.

"Okay," I said. "Okay? That's it?" He asked. "Was that all?" I asked, all I wanted right now was to be alone, so many thoughts ran through my mind, my boys knew, all these weeks, and they didn't tell me, the last shred of hope I had, that I had saved that boy, was gone, because I failed him. I felt so weak. I was so stupid thinking that the boy will live when I know that this damn facility is merciless. I don't want to kill anymore i don't want this for me or for the boys. Jeongin at the age of 9 delivered his first kill.My heart broke when he came back with a smile on his face. He was only a child and he assassinated someone after they fell for him being an innocent child. Jeongin never had a childhood. Most of us never did but he doesn't even know who his parents are or if he has siblings all he knows are these walls, the 8 of us, the big boss and to kill. We should've left when we saw Jeongin brought to the facility. We should've escaped when we could carry him in our arms. He should've had a better future than this, but we were cowards. Now I need to make that plan happen. Even if we can't go back to our own families we have the 9 of us and for me that is enough. I made my way to my room and locked the door. I just want to rest my head. I took a small nap.

I was walking on a road. It was dark and I can't see anything then a person in front of me appeared. "Jisung let's go?" Channie hyung's voice. He led me down the streets of a crowded city, with skyscrapers that disappeared into the clouds. Men, women, and children walked around going about their daily lives. As we walked down the street, everyone was staring at us like we were criminals, moving to the sides as we passed, little children hid behind the parents, and the parents themselves had fear and hatred in their eyes. I heard a man scream "Murderers!" In the blink of an eye, everyone started screaming at us, Chan grabbed my hand and ran through the streets, attempting to avoid the attacks coming our way. As I ran, I noticed, these people, they were victims. My victims. These were people I've killed. I let go of Chan's hand, standing in the middle of the city, I turned around, a whole city, I've done this much harm. I felt a hand slide in mine as Chan pulled me to the edge of the city. As we ran past all of the people, I made eye contact with someone. A little boy, clutching his teddy bear in one hand and his mother's hand in the other. The little boy I tried to save.

I woke up, drenched in my own sweat, putting my hand to my chest, I could feel my heart almost leaping out of my chest. I got up to get a drink of water as I looked around, Chan and Changbin were chatting, Seungmin was typing away at his computer, Jeongin and Felix were asleep, and Minho, Hyunjin and Woojin hyung were watching TV. I walked by the TV a headline caught my eye. They only found out about it now.

While all the boys were engrossed in their own activities, I took this chance to slip out of the room

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While all the boys were engrossed in their own activities, I took this chance to slip out of the room. It was past curfew, being out of the dorm this late would certainly earn me another punishment. I tried to clear my head from all negative thoughts but no matter what I tried the dream keeps replaying in my mind like a tape on replay, it was so vivid I can't forget it. I sat on the rooftop, on the edge with my feet dangling off. I'm not supposed to be up here, if someone spotted me, it would be hell. Thoughts raced through my mind as I looked down at the ground below me, pure cement, if I jumped, it would be over. What if I did? Would the boys miss me? Would the facility even care? Stray kids as a group of 8 instead of 9, I don't think they would, but I can't do that to my boys. The more time I spent up here the less I cared about the punishment. I already killed a lot, I deserve that punishment and anything else they throw at me. That will be the best thing. What if I met these boys in a different circumstance? I would've loved it, it's not like I don't like being with them now. I love them with all my heart. I stared at the stars and thought how we could be if we were normal. We aren't tasked to kill, we will only hang out play games, go karaoke, go to arcades or heck even watch movies for a movie marathon. Felix once saw an ad for a video game that he really wanted to play, but when we tried to get it for him a birthday present, we all got punished, no distractions from training. The only movies we ever watched was in secrecy, it sucked all the fun out of it,we aren't allowed to have those kind of luxuries. That's only a wish, a dream we can never make true. This institution has fucked us up so much, I don't know if we can ever survive in society. We killed a lot, police are out there trying to catch us. We are all so young and jail isn't one of our plans. Maybe there is a loophole we can use to not go to jail. I mean we've always got away, no one knows who we are, but I feel like the guilt is eating away at me. Some days I lie awake in bed, and all I can think of is that I don't deserve to live when I've killed so many. I made my way back to my room and I closed the door. I took out the blueprint of this building and I studied the exits mostly the fire exits because those aren't guarded but are normally closed so I can maybe ask Felix to lockpick it because he is amazing at doing those. I haven't told them because they may think I'm absurd and going crazy. I don't want to give them false hope about anything but I know they all want to be free. I was staring at the blueprint when my door opened. I tried to hide it fast but Felix being Felix and with his fast af reflexes had already seen what I hid. "Was that a blueprint? Do we have a new mission?" He asked he seemed excited, which broke my heart a little bit. "I- Uhh-" I trailed off... I trust Felix but what if he doesn't agree... shit what do I do?

Should Jisung...
TELL FELIX THE PLAN AND HOPE HE HELPS
OR
SHOULD HE LIE TO FELIX AND TELL EVERYONE LATER

VOTE ON THE POLL AT @ STAYJEONGINNIE'S IG STORY
(poll closed now)

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