Heartbroken [Completed] [Wattys 2019]

17

*Percy

Today was the day. I would have to go to therapy. I didn't want to, just wanted to appease Nico.

I hadn't slept much last night. Too many thoughts had been going through my head. Both good and bad. Expectations of what would happen.

I had already explained to my mom what was happening and she argued with me the same as Nico did, saying I should take the therapy sessions but I once again refused and she eventually consented.

Nico had woken up to say goodbye and good luck. He came up and gave me a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek, making me smile. "Um. Percy, since we both know we feel the same way, after our conversation yesterday, I was wondering if you ah... Well, if you wanted to make it official?"

Nico was asking me out. Nico was asking me to be his boyfriend. I felt blood rush to my face, possibly making me blush deeper than Nico currently was. "I'd love to."

And with that my mom yelled that we really had to go. I have him a quick kiss before sprinting to the door. Me and my mom left and started the short car ride to the facility.

On the way, I told her about me and Nico. She looked slightly confused at first, concerning me, before she asked, "you guys weren't dating already?"

I laughed and assured that no we were not. She started saying how deceived she was, with our constant flirting and occasional kisses. That just got me to laugh more. She never brought up the fact that he was a boy.

We arrived at the facility quickly and we walked inside, my mom still cooing about how cute me and Nico are.

I walked up to the counter and said my name and the receptionist looked down at his clipboard before standing up and saying, "follow me."

My mom and I followed a little ways behind him, both nervous of what was going to happen. When we arrived at a door, the receptionist told us we had an hour and a half for the day, although it was flexible depending on how the session was going.

We walked in to find a kind looking Chinese woman sitting in a comfy looking chair. She welcomed us and had us sit in an equally comfy looking coach.

She then introduced herself as Dr. Amber Shao, but told us to call her Amber, and then asked for our names. We made small talk for about 10 minutes, probably to make me and my mom comfortable, before Amber asked us what brought us in.

My mom answered, "abuse" before delving into our story about Gabe and how it had affected how we think and view ourselves, the fear of him despite him being gone, and ending with my recent suicide attempt.

The therapist looked lost in thought for a minute (A/N gonna be completely honest, I know nothing about therapy so I'm just trying my best to give advice), before she started speaking, "This is not uncommon, so don't be concerned about you feel and think. It's a completely natural side effect of abuse and I would be more surprised if you didn't view yourself in a negative way after everything. So don't think you are wrong or weird. Whenever you begin to remember everything Gabe has told you and start to feel bad about it, try to talk to someone. It can be anyone but it's always easier to recover from abuse with someone. I will always listen and help but I may not always be available. Now, our times almost up, this session was really meant to be an introduction. I know i won't be seeing you again Percy so my parting word is this- don't keep it in and don't blame yourself. If you have the urge to hurt yourself, try drawing on yourself instead. Some other things that might help alleviate your thoughts are antidepressants (A/N Percy is still taking the antidepressents I'm just not writing it down every time cause I'm lazy) , art, sex, reading, writing, and physical activity. Basically anything that could be counted as 'busy work'. I'll see you soon Sally."

My mom and I both shook her hand and left the room with promises of listening to what she said. The drive home seemed to take much longer and my mom talked about how helpful just one session was. She asled if i was okay with everything and i assured her that i was.

I had a lot running through my head on the car ride. I thought of my relationship with Nico, the fact that the therapist called me out on blaming myself, and what i could do to "alleviate my thoughts" as Amber worded it.

I knew I wouldn't do doing some of the things, like reading and writing. I would consider art and sports but the one that suck in my head most was sex. A doctor told me to have sex, something I had never experienced. But the thought excited me, especially when I thought of Nico. Would he be okay with it?

That question still swam around my thoughts when we got home. I walked in the apartment- adrenaline rushing through my veins despite conscious thoughts that Gabe was gone for good- to find Nico sitting on the couch watching cartoons.

He looked up when we entered. "How'd it go?!"

My mom answered quickly, "oh, i thought it went great. I think I'm actually going to go to the next session tomorrow." She announced she would go make us a late lunch before turning to me as an afterthought, "Percy, please... please listen to what she said." Was my mother also encouraging me to have sex now? Wow.

Nico and I went to my room and he asked me what the therapist told me. "Basically don't blame or hurt myself and do 'busy work' to keep my brain occupied."

"Busy work as in what?"

"She said specifically physical activity, reading, sex, art, and i think writing." I tried to embed sex in so he wouldnt notice but my blush wasn't helping.

Excitement flashed across Nico's eyes. "You would only willing do the physical activity, art, and sex though?"

He knew me so well. "... Yeah. But some of those thibgs i need... help with."

"I'd be willing to... help." Shit, Nico agreed to sex. His smirk and wink didn't quite hide the lustful look that clouded his eyes. Yay!

My mom called us in for lunch, dispersing the tension in the room. But leaving plenty of room for our new hopes and expectations.

A/N

Yall see how imma get to smut ;) please please please comment guys i want friends and help! I love you all and id love to get to know you guys better!

The song posted with this is Message Man by Twenty One Pilots, please listen its a great song, possibly my favorite. Any tøp fans out there?

Anyway, please comment what you want to happen. I'd love some feedback and help. <3 later guys.