The Investigator

Closure

Jason pulled up to the cemetery and climbed out of his truck, walking around he opened Ellie's door and helped her down. "You sure about this?" He asked. "We can come back another day" he suggested. "It's a lot to take in all in one day".

"I'm okay. I need to do this" she whispered as she looked at the envelope in her hand.

"Okay then. C'mon" he said as he took her hand in his and led the way to her father's grave. "This is it" he said as he stopped at a small black headstone with a bunch of fresh flowers next to it. The headstone read:

Arthur Griffin
Beloved partner of Maggie.
17.5.1953 - 4.9.2017

Ellie took a seat on the ground in front of the headstone as she began to open the letter while Jason stood nearby watching silently. He wanted to give her some space, but he also wanted to be there for her if she needed him.

She began to read the letter, and only a few lines in her eyes were filled with tears. Wiping them away she tried to continue but her vision was too blurred, she dropped her hands and sobbed quietly. Without a word Jason sat down behind her, his long legs either side of her and pulled her into his chest, holding her tight while she cried. It was an intimate gesture, if it were any other person she would find it odd, but for some reason with Jason it was very calming and exactly what she needed in that moment.

"Jason?" She whispered after a few minutes.

"Yeah?"

"Can you...?" She began, as she gestured to the letter in her hands.

"Of course Ellie. Whatever you need" he replied as he took the piece of paper from her.

Putting on his glasses he cleared his throat and began to read the letter:

'My Dearest Ellie,

I always hoped that one day you would come looking for me, but now I fear my time is up and I will never get the chance to see your sweet face again. It pains me that I will never know the beautiful young woman that I am sure you have become. My biggest regret in life was leaving you my Darling girl, but I had my reasons. I don't expect you to understand, and you have every reason to resent me, but I will do my very best to explain.

I tried to be a good father for you, but your mother and I hit hard times when I was made redundant. Unbeknownst to my dear Maria, I borrowed some money to keep us afloat until I found a new job. Unfortunately I struggled to pay it back and I resorted to gambling to try and pay off the debt. Things went from bad to worse and I ended up in hospital after the loan shark took to me with a baseball bat.

Your mother was furious with me for what I had done, she tried her best to help but it was beyond her control. I tried to make things right and pay back the money but it wasn't easy, and providing for you was my main priority.

When they paid a visit to our house and threatened the lives of you and your mother I knew something had to be done. I gave your mother all the money I had and told her to find somewhere safe to live and I went into hiding. I am not proud of what I did, but you must know I did it out of love. I did it to keep you safe, and if that meant that I couldn't be in your life, then that was the price I had to pay for the mistakes I made.

I'm sorry for all the years I missed, all the firsts and milestones I wasn't a part of. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you my sweet Elizabeth, but I know your mother would have raised a beautiful and bright girl. I hope that your life is everything you want it to be, and that you don't make the same mistakes I did. Hold onto the ones you love and never let go.

Despite what you may think I loved both you and your mother with all my heart, and I always will until my dying day.

Dad.'

"Well... at least now I know the truth" Ellie sighed as she wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"Is there anything you want to say? You know, clear the air type of thing" Jason asked. "I know he isn't here, and it's not the same but maybe he's here in spirit?"

"I guess it couldn't hurt" she whispered.

"Do you want a moment alone?"

"No. Please stay" she said as she grasped his arm that was still wrapped around the top of her chest, holding her against him.

"Sure" he smiled.

Ellie took a deep breath and thought of what she would want to say to her father if he were there.

"John... Dad, If somehow you are watching and listening I want you to know I don't resent you. God knows there have been times that I have wished I could hate you. Maybe it would have made all those years without you easier. But I couldn't. Even though I couldn't ever remember you, I missed you, and all I ever wanted was for you to come back. It always felt like a part of me was missing without knowing you. Now that I know the truth, maybe your leaving won't hurt so much anymore. Now that I have some closure I can move on with my life. I'm sorry I didn't get to say all this to you in person, but I tried Dad, I really did, but you weren't an easy man to find. I hope you can rest in peace knowing that I don't hate you, I only wish I had the chance to love you". Ellie whispered as tears rolled down her cheeks.

Saying it all out loud was like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders and the flood gates opened. All the pain and sadness she had held in all these years came pouring out and she turned and sobbed into Jason's chest as he held her in his arms.

"Sshhh" he soothed. "Let it all out Ellie... that's it" he whispered as he rubbed her back. "Sshhh".