November [Larry Stylinson AU]

Chapter 14

Turns out, it was Zayn's birthday and Louis felt terrible not knowing. They weren't that close, but he felt like he should know it was his birthday and well, he didn't.

Zayn had messaged Louis on his birthday, the least he could do is say something. But he found out by Zayn himself, when he asked if Louis would like to come over for this small get together he had for his birthday. Louis felt like a terrible person and he didn't want to say he forgot his birthday, so he may have acted as if he knew all along.

The past week, Louis was so busy with writing his book and having all this sudden inspiration, thanks to Harry. Speaking of which, Harry's been in Louis' life so much more now and because of that, it's really encouraged Louis to write more. Before Harry forgave him, he was struggling a lot to find his drive to make more books, even with the amazing reaction from his fans. He was lost.

But now, he was writing every day, and what he wrote was happier. Unlike before, where he was only thinking negative things and sad storylines, now he was writing something more inspiring and heartwarming, instead of heart wrenching. Which was odd, because he was known for writing heartbreaking stories where you end up crying at the end of the book, checking to make sure it was the last page.

Now, he feared people may end the book with a smile. That's not normal for him. He didn't know if he liked it or not, but ultimately it was happening and he actually liked writing with a smile on his face. It was a wonderful feeling. But he did fear he lost a bit of his cryptic touch to his stories, so he had to step back sometimes and not make it too different

Of course, life wasn't all smiles and rainbows. Louis had been going to AA meetings with Niall, finally making sure he went a couple times a week. He hasn't picked up any alcohol since the incident and wasn't even tempted to. But that's always how it started. He started strong last time and crashed even worse than before. It's a sad cycle that leaves him disgusted and disappointed with himself.

Louis sat in the sixth meeting he's been to, listening as people around him spoke about their experiences. Niall kept giving him encouraging smiles, trying to get him to loosen up. The meeting ended and everyone said their goodbyes, wishing their fellow alcoholics luck on their recoveries. He only knew a couple of people's names, he wasn't here to make friends.

"Why didn't you speak?" Louis shrugged and Niall sighed heavily, "Participating helps, a lot of people have said this. You don't have to expose yourself, just talk a bit."

"I don't feel like being judged."

"Dude, that lady left her baby in a car overnight after getting wasted," Niall said with a scoff, shaking his head. "Would she really have a right to judge you? Some people have shared millions of stories that are far worse than anything you've done. They're not here to judge you, they don't care about you -- they're here for themselves, to get better. They're gonna listen, not criticize."

"I guess," Louis murmured, watching as Niall snuck a few cookies in his pockets. "It's just hard for me to open up."

Niall looked at him for a moment, then nodded slowly. "I can understand that. I'm sorry if I'm harsh sometimes, but I truly just want to help you. But it's hard when you're not helping yourself, ya know? Because I really want to see you happy. Ever since I met you, you've been struggling a lot and I want to be there for you."

"You can't fix me, Niall," Louis said, a bit harsher than intended. "I'm not – like, a project for you to work on, okay? I appreciate you wanting to help, but sometimes it feels like you're doing it more for yourself, not for me."

His words made Niall's eyes widen a bit and the air went tense. Louis gulped a bit, but didn't hold back as he looked down. He was just being honest. Sometimes he felt like Niall didn't really care to help him, but he wanted to fix the situation. Like a temporary project for himself. It sounded cruel, but that's what was going through Louis' mind a lot of the time. He can never tell if it's Niall being genuine or not.