Been Here All Along

21| sanity

"When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home." - Jesse Frederick

*6 years ago*

My parents aren't meant to be. That's something that's always been pretty obvious to me since I was old enough to understand. The fighting got worse when Anthony moved out though. It's like they forgot how to save the arguments until I am fast asleep. 6 or 16, no kid ever likes to hear their parents argue, whether it be at noon or midnight.

I think they were confused. They got married young and confused the different types of love — brother-sister type of love and husband-wife type of love. Yet they've been lying to themselves for 20 years. My mom loves my dad and my dad loves my mom, but not as lovers, as friends. That's why they have so many problems, yet they refuse to admit it.

And all of mine and Anthony's lives, we've been the ones to suffer because of their inability to admit defeat.

I walked in from a long, dreadful day at school, expecting complete silence so I could nap until my shift at Westchester at 5. No one was supposed to be home, yet there they were, arguing loud enough for the neighbors to hear.

"It's one night, Anna!" Imagine having two emotional breakdowns in school, then coming home to your parents fighting? It's been a long day.

"Yet another night, you mean," my mom harshly corrected my dad. "You went out Saturday and Friday last week."

This again.

I decided to make my presence known by clearing my throat, hoping they'd stop this petty argument. It's not like they do anything together if he were to stay in tonight anyway.

They both only spared me a glance.

"Have you ever thought for maybe a second that your daughter would want to spend a day with you? Or maybe I wanted to go out, but I'm stuck here taking care of the house?"

Leave it to my mom to drag me into this.

I rolled my eyes and started toward the stairs. As much as I was hoping the walls would be thick enough for me to tune out their fight, I knew that wouldn't be the case.

"If you spared a second of your time to talk to our daughter, you'd know she has work tonight," my dad snapped. "And if you want to go out, by all means, go! Our daughter is 16, she doesn't need a babysitter."

Normally, their fights just annoy me and put me in a sourpuss mood, but as tough of a day as I've already been having, this was just a cherry on top and pushed my emotions over the edge.

Ian being on some JROTC field trip was also no help. I just want to be curled up in his arms right now, but I don't even know when he will be home.

Through my bedroom walls, I could hear my parents still going at it.

Most kids pray their parents will get through it and stay together in the end, but that stopped being the case for me at least 6 years ago. Now I willed for them to man-up and get a divorce.

I called Anthony, but he didn't answer. It was a long-shot; he's always busy with work. Instead, I texted him a novel of a rant about what today's fight was about.

In 20 minutes time, my parents were still arguing, but onto a new topic by now. The soft knocking on my window caused me to stop staring at my wall as I cried.

Ian was literally hanging outside my window after climbing up the side of my house. I couldn't help but chuckle at his craziness, even through my tears. I hurried over to the window and opened it so Ian could climb in.