Been Here All Along

29| essence

"Baby, even to your darkest hour, and I'll never desert you, I'll stand by you." - The Pretenders

*3 months later*

   Ian dragged a chair from our dining table to the living area where we had our newly purchased Christmas tree set up. I stepped up on the chair and he handed me the star for the top of it.

   "Tilt it, like, 20 degrees," he directed me as I placed the star. "Perfect."

   He held out his hand to offer me help down from the chair, then smoothly pulled me in for a kiss.

   I've been living with Ian for almost four months now, and it has been a million times better than I ever dreamed. Not only do I get to fall asleep next to him and wake up next to him every single night, but about two months ago, we even started hosting game night/movie nights on Friday nights.

   Kaila and Mason almost always come, then there's Anthony, Jocey, and Cara who come sometimes. We even got Noah and Andrea to come to one before since they were in town, so that was nice.

   I've never been happier.

  Now add in the fact it's my first Christmas with Ian since high school — things just keep getting better and better.

   "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer had a very shiny nose..." Ian sang along In an over-dramatically low tone to the music playing throughout our apartment. He put the chair back at our table while I went to the oven to pull out our Christmas cookies I was in the midst of making.

Baking is definitely my preferred action in the kitchen, as opposed to cooking meals. Ian says he loves my cookies and begged me earlier this morning to make some.

Ian and I were both lucky enough to have today off of Westchester, and we are both on Christmas break from college. We've been able to spend a lot of time together, not having school for the past week.

"E," I yelled over the music. He turned down our Alexa speaker to hear me better. "I think your phone is ringing."

He looked around and saw his phone sitting on the dining table, lighting up with a phone call. He kept the music volume lowered and answered the call. Whoever it is already seemed to have put a damper on his mood.

I kept one eye on him as I put the cookies on the counter.

   "Good morning, Colonel."

   His colonel is calling? I don't think he's really contacted Ian since he's been home, at least not to my knowledge.

   "Oh, but that's—" he frowned and cut himself off. "Yes, sir. I'll be there."

   There was a pause, indicating his colonel was talking on the other end of the phone call.

   "That'd be appreciated. Thank you." Ian paused as his colonel replied again. "Have a nice day, sir."

   My scared eyes met Ian's eyes, which were mirroring mine.

   I have a feeling I'm not going to like what I'm about to hear. Not at all.

   "Jos... I was called back into active duty."

   My heart broke. All over again. It was the night at the beach four and a half years ago when he told me he was leaving all over again.

   I bite my lip, attempting to hold back my tears; it almost worked.

   "I promise things will be different this time, baby," he murmured, holding me close to him.

   "I don't want to lose you again, I can't." Surviving one heartbreak that intense was hard enough. I can't imagine two.