Bad Moon

Wheres Benjamin?

Edwards pov

I sigh as I move the food around my plate, impatient to get back home. Ben was acting weird last night, he had a hard time falling asleep and when he did it was restless. I feel a calm wash over me and I meet eyes with Jasper, giving him a greatful nod.

Beside him, Alice goes to speak but her eyes glaze over and I see myself. Im asking Esme where did Ben go, then its Bella shrugging when Alice asks her if she knows where Benjamin is, and finally its Carlisle calling Ben only to hear an automatic message tell him the phone is no longer active.

Alice meets my eyes and we stand, motioning for our siblings to do the same. It was difficult to keep my speed normal as I pull out my phone, trying to call Benjamin on the chance he hasn't turned it off yet. I growl when I hear the automatic message, nearly crushing my phone.

Jasper glances at me as a wave of calm settles over me and I accept it for now.  What happened? He thinks pointedly and I sigh. "Ben is missing. He...he ran away." I tell him softly and they glance at me before slightly speeding up.

"I'll ask Charlie." I sigh and Jasper nods. "Carlisle and I can ask the wolves." He offers. "I'll try to track him." Emmett smirks as Rosalie rolls her eyes.
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I sigh deeply before softly knocking st Benjamin's door, hearing Charlies thoughts as he watches tv. He wonders idly who would be visiting before coming to the door and looking through the peephole. Charlie groans as he opens the door, frowning at me.

"Yes?" He tries to come off neutral but hearing his thoughts I knew he hated my guts. "Benjamin's missing." I tell him softly and his frowns deeper. He hasnt been on his medicine in way too long. Probably an episode.

I frown internally at Charlies thoughts, only more curious. Episode? I dig deeper into his thoughts as he speaks."Hes probably at a party or something. He'll show up eventually." I nod, distracted by Charlies thoughts.

"Ill...ask some of his friends." I mumble and walk to my car. I search Charlies mind, Ben has manic depression and I frown wondering how it slipped passed me. He does have a habit to overreact, but I wouldn't have believed that this, this behavior was normal for him.

Peeking into Charlies mind only gave me a peek of how wrong I had been. Benjamin ran away twice before, once when he lived with Renee and Bella he left because she couldnt accept him and he became a stripper. The second time was shortly before him and I had began speaking after Renee made him live with Charlie, he left to Ocean City, disappearing for the whole summer only to return 3 weeks after school had begun.

Charlie suspects he had been a stripper and probably a hooker during that stint as well. I frown as I drive off, my mind whirling. I knew he had been a little wild before we had met- he told me a few things of his parties and drug abuse then- but I never knew the how bad it truly was.

By the time I make it home, Im a whirlwind of emotion: hurt, angry, worried, sad. I cant help if I was just another person in a long list to hurt him, to cause him to loose himself to his pain like this. When i walk through the front door, Jasper meets me in the front room, sending calming waves to me me. "You should sit down." He mumbles as I peer into his mind only to hear the lyrics to an insyc song.

I sit as I stare at him curiously. "What is it?"

Jasper licks his lips before handing me a yellow envelope. "We found his car but his scent was gone. We couldn't find it and all Alice can see from him is a stretch of road. Sometimes she sees him rolling a joint with a person and blasting rap music." He speaks as I go to open it.

"Did you-"

"No, I didnt read it." Jasper sighs and I nod.

Dear Eddie,

I can say I honestly dont blame you for leaving me anymore, it seems everybody leaves me after a while. I know you're probably angry, and I don't doubt you're searching for me but please. Dont look for me.

I need my turn to be selfish, to be the one to leave. I love you, but i know you will never change me despite the fact i don't mind waiting. If that is the case, I will always be in danger with you and you...you might just leave again because of it.

What will you do next time Jasper looses himself? You cannot be angry at him for that, afterall he doesnt just need to deal with his bloodlust but the bloodlust of every vampire near him. I can honestly say Im surprised he can even tolerate me in the first place.

You cannot have me in your world but protect me from it, Edward. So its my turn to leave before you leave me. Im tired of not being happy, not being sad, not feeling anything the same because everyone takes it upon themselves to break my heart.

Ill be back when I feel like it.

Love Bengie.