Losing the Halo||Solby

The Storm || Sam

Sam was surrounded by people he loved, and yet, the blonde had never felt so alone. 

The four roommates had gotten back to the House three days ago, their time in New York well behind them. Sam had spent as much time as he could trying to be normal in hopes everyone would forget his little episode, including Colby. 

The thought of his bestfriend wounded him a little. Ever since Colby had let Sam cry into his shoulder, the brunette had spent a lot of time avoiding him. Sam wondered sometimes if the moment had even happened. Was he still drunk and had dreamed that? 

"Sam, you good?" Corey's voice drew Sam's attention away from his depressing thoughts. 

"I was just thinking about how to edit some of our videos," Sam lied. He couldn't tell Corey that he had been thinking about how much of a fuck up he was or that he wanted Colby to come and hold him again. 

"Add some good theme music and crude jokes." Corey tossed Sam a water bottle. "Devyn and I are headed out. You and Colby can hold the fort down right?" 

"I didn't even know Colby was here." And why would he? The brunette, his best friend, wasn't even speaking to him. 

"Yeah, well just don't be having sex on the couches or nothing." 

Sam's eyes widened and he had to turn his head to hide the blush creeping along his face. Did Corey know? That would be impossible though and.... What if Colby knew? Was that why he wasn't speaking to Sam? 

I'm just being paranoid, Sam told himself as he listened to Corey laugh on his way out.

In the quiet house, Sam felt his loneliness come crashing down on him. Every insecurity and fear was left for Sam to remember and there was no one to talk to about it. No one who could understand. 

Sam could always go to another club. He could get wasted drunk and tell a stranger and not remember any of it. And then he could forget Colby for a short time. 

Instead, he got up and took a shower. He let the warm water wash down his body, imagining that the water was washing away his fears and anger and everything else that was bad about him. It would be so much better, Sam thought, if I could just disappear. No one to miss him and no one to love or remember him. Sam could live a simple life in Kansas. He could forget Colby....

Only death could do that, though. 

Only death would make Sam forget Colby. With an agonizing throb in his chest, Sam slowly pondered suicide. If he died, there'd be no more pain. If he died, there'd be no more nights lying awake because the person he truly loved was only a room away and Sam would never be allowed to hold him. 

Did he want to die? 

Sam shook his head and turned the water off. He was being dramatic. This was no Romeo and Juliet. Sam wasn't going to kill himself over a boy he loved.